Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

On the Spouse's Email 

Mike 
"Man faces prison for reading wife's email." — Heavens no! I would never do that! I might inadvertently learn about pottery & napkin rings.

Friend Frank Thompson
I sometimes read Claire's because it's fun to hear about her dopey friends. For instance, there's this one guy she just calls The Idiot who can't do anything right and is real messy around the house and who just doesn't suspect a thing. He sounds like a real doofus!

On Living It Up

Friend Sally
Painted the stairs beige today!

Mike
No, Sally. It's "Paint the town red. Paint the town red!" *sigh*

Image via Wikipedia

On Newsmakers

Friend Peter
I think Michael Moore is trying to out crazy Charlie Sheen.

Mike
I have trouble taking anyone serious who looks like he ate Beaver Cleaver.

On Movie Etiquette

News Item
Man Shot Dead for Eating Popcorn Too Loudly During "Black Swan"

Mike
Well, this seems a bit harsh. I reserve shooting for talkers.

Friend Claire
Or wrapper rustlers

Mike
Broken knees and a mandatory admittance to a Sandler.

Friend Frank
Listen, it's stern but it's fair.

Friend Bill
He was probably so p----d at the movie he took it out on the popcorn eater.

Friend Joy
People texting during movies make me homicidal, I feel him.

Friend Mark
And they say that popcorn is a healthy snack.

I wonder if they will add this as a deleted scene in the DVD release of this movie. And another thing, I always leave the shooting of the audience to the ushers, let them do their job.

Mike
When I was a kid, Mark, printed on the packaging: "POPCORN IS GOOD ROUGHAGE." We were warned.

Friend of Friend Angeles
What flavor popcorn?

Mike
Battered.