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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter: 

I hear of people burping in their mouths. Not me, I'm high class. Sometimes when I eat s'ghetti, my tonsils act out LADY AND THE TRAMP.

Item: "More men have experienced threesomes than women." — Don't look at me. I'm lousy with fractions.

I am the first to admit I'm a bit soft in the fortitude, but, I am a man with true hominy.

Overheard: Latest Oxymoron: "Aspiring Rapper."

I have never watched one minute of TWO AND A HALF MEN because of that schmuck, Charlie Sheen. Obviously, he's the half man.

Heading over to the rheostat to turn down the color. I'll be in black-and-white for the next 24 hours. Laurel and Hardy marathon begins!...

Tonite, Stan & Ollie as carpenters, sailors, cops, barbers, chimney sweeps & brain specialists. Enough nightmare material 4 me. Off to bed..

Watching Laurel & Hardy & WC Fields recently. There was a terrible, horrendous problem with molasses in the 1930s. Pray there's no comeback.

Watched: SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD (2010), the latest inductee into my prestigious What ...The Hell ... Was That? Collection.

Tom Jones is coming, singing his hits, IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE DEFIBRILLATED BY ANYONE, and WHAT'S NEW, PROSTATE DOC? (Whoa! Ohhh! Oh! Oh!).

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