My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less
To drag me to Hell: Drag me to DRAG ME TO HELL.
Just broke out a fresh box of Fruity Pebbles. I should've let 'em age a bit longer. Taste more like Spacely Sprockets.
Hmm, so far, no new Twitter Followers. 49,786 to go. 17 minutes left. Hurry! ... I guess everybody is stuck in traffic...
Blockbuster has alerted me: "PAUL BLART: MALL COP and DEXTER Have Arrived." All evolution & the struggle of mankind bring us to this glory
News Item: "Man Calls 911 Because Orange Juice Missing from McDonald's Order" ... Cops say he was beaten to pulp in the wrong way.
It's a small town. We don't rate a Pep Boys w/Manny, Moe & Jack. We've got a knock-off: Klep Boys w/Fingers, Woe & The Neck.
News Item: "Man fined for sending poop through the mail." ... Tail Mail.
News Item: Music producer Phil Spector sentenced 19 years to life for murder. His hairdresser executed at dawn. Rinse. Repeat.
Watched THE DEVIL AND DANIEL WEBSTER (1941). I'm told Daniel Webster is related to me, distant cousin or something. He never writes.
@frannycats asks "What's the difference between cat hair and cat fur?" ...To me? Or Cruella de Vil?
I feel a major napp coming on. It's correctly spelled with two p's. There could be all caps...
Some woman on TV is telling me she's "reusing catheters" for the rest of her life. Lady, I just tuned in here for the chance of precip.
@DaveMalby asks, "How many men actually buy stuff out of the vending machines in the men's restroom?" ..I've stopped. The mints are rubbery.
Snubbed in Comedians on Twitter list. I'd be sandwiched between @frandrescher & @jimmyfallon. Either way, I'm in a pickle.
I was really expecting more Followers this hour. 49,786 to go. Five minutes left. The buffet is starting to turn. Yellow mayo, is that bad?
Twitter Birds by SpoonGraphics