Big Weekend

Big weekend, anticipating "Hatfields & McCoys."

Spent hours in the chair having my hillbilly beard fleaed.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, I liked "The Three Stooges" (2012) movie.

That was an amazing surprise response to myself and bonk mallet, but the more stunning news is my wife liked the picture, too.

And she's a girl!

 I think that's against nature.

There was one thing about "The Three Stooges" I found appalling.

No pies.

No pie fight.

Not even a cupcake snit or a crème pâtissière bludgeoning.

I think that's against nurture.

I guess the studio is saving pies for a sequel. The Moe must go on....

Meanwhile...

Morty is in the penthouse.

"Thank Dad, it's Friday!" he mewed. 

He's working for the weekend, when he can kick back and take a break from the incessant napping.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, discovering an inexplicable Light-Up Tiara under my car seat.

Darn joyriders.

Outlet Mall Outlets

Big Weekend

Big weekend, working on the Atlanta Fox Theatre projection team for the world premiere of "The Elf on The Shelf: An Elf's Story."

It looked to be a full house of 4000+ happy kiddies, except for me.

No crew elf hats.

That's the last time I curl my toes in the elevator doors. Stupid jingle bells.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, catching up on my bathroom reading. 

Hindsight.

A Room With a Brew

After the groundbreaking at our house, it's time to reveal the dream.

We're adding a Cinnabon.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, digging the hole for our house expansion.

It's official! It's a money pit!

'Paranormal Activity 3: Puss in Boots'

That's got to be some scary cover up.

My cats are mild by comparison and only need wear beach flip-flops in their litter box.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, renovating our fireplace and chimney.

Here I am calibrating the critical, precise measurements for Santa.

100 Things About Me #185

A Lifelong Dream Fulfilled!

I opened for Don Rickles!

10/24/11

100 Things: #1 | Previous | To Be Continued

Big Weekend

Big weekend, screw loose at "Footloose." 

About 90 minutes into the film, I stepped outside our car.

"Where are you going?" my wife asked.

"To get more clichés."

Shovel-Ready Throb

Continued From: "Big Weekend," "Meanwhile...," and "It Sucks to Be Mikey" 

After forking over $600 to have our septic tank pumped, I discovered it was not enough money to get the dirt placed back into the hole.

Silly me.

"Okay, I'll do it," I told my wife. And she let me.

I figured I'd save another couple of hundred bucks and, at the same time, tone and glisten the exotic sinewy musculature we all call "Golly!"

My cats were chagrined I didn't cover up the box with my feet, but that would have meant getting onto all fours and violating my 30-year-old sacred oath: "No push-ups."

No. No. Nope. Too close to push-ups for comfort.

Besides, my godsons read these pages.

I'm faithful, young men! Church, more church!

It Sucks to Be Mikey

Continued From: "Big Weekend" and "Meanwhile..." 

Due to government boneheadedness™, this photo op cost The Happy Durretts $700. Bathe yourself in it.

I snapped this memento moments before the septic tank exorcist hooked up the big hose to his suck truck. I had barricaded myself inside the house to escape the forthcoming fragrant ambiance.

It didn't work.

To my shock and "Eww," I discovered the smell was more tolerable outside than indoors, so I strolled over to the scene of the slime and looked in.

I guess it's my broadcasting training, but I couldn't help myself with the play-by-play action.

"Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Spousal Unit. Mine. Mine. Mine. Bug Man. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. In-law to Be Named Later. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Cat vomit. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Unintelligible. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Birthday Boy. Mine. Mine. Mystery meat. Mine. Mine. Mine. Was Lindsay Lohan here? Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. It's squeezably soft; it's irresistible. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Toothless Goon Poltergeist. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine...."

Indeed, I am a proud man.

Oh. And, kids, let this be a lesson to you. You never know where your bendy straw has been.

Meanwhile...

Morty beholds the wonder of my "cat box."

"Daddy's da man!"

Wait 'til he sees me cover it up.

Big Weekend

Big weekend, digging out our septic tank to comply with some goofy government regulation.

Gophers.

Several hours and shirts later, the deed was dood.

Thar she blows!

Big Weekend

Big weekend, outraged! 

The commercialization of theology.

Big Weekend

Big weekend at the drive-in, seeing the wonderful true-life film "Dolphin Tale." We declined to sit outside the car in folding chairs, but my inflatable baby pool was so ambience.

I got some excellent exercise blowing it up, while I worked on my moon-tan.

I would've written sooner, but I was too pruned to punctuate.

All in all, the evening was absolutely delightful. Well, until some wise guy stuck a corn dog in my snorkel.

I hate to get mustard on my pool noodle.

Fall Festivals O' Fun

Worst Homemade Fudge Ever!