Incomings

Continued From: "Incomings" and "Incomings"

Oh, goody, pinch me. It's another comedy quiz from radio historian Bob Middleton (a k a Bob Walker). Bob has a box of jokes I wrote three decades ago and he likes to test my memory of such international treasures and gut-busting antiquities, when he's not wallowing in same highly venerated box.

One of the following bits was written by someone other than Mikey. Am I up to the task of fingering it?

May I have the one-liners and the finger, please.

Bob

It's time for that great radio fun game, "Who Said That?"

• Coming up: The Muppet Kidney Chorus does its rendition of "It's Impassable."
  
  
• Things to Do Today:
  
  
• Give a propeller beanie to a rabbi.
  
• Drool excessively in a urologist's office.
  
  
• Lawrence Welk knew his show was canceled when he discovered Tums in his bubble machine.
  
  
• Summer Camp Tip: Avoid camps that have signs of Truman Capote wearing knee pants.
  
  
• Today on TV: Orson Welles and Shelley Winters will discuss noises they consider embarrassing.

Now tell me, who said that?

Mike

This is an easy one. All are mine, except Orson and Shelley, but I'm locating the Febreze, nevertheless.  

Bob

You are right, nipple nose. For your prize, you get a riding weed eater.

Coming up next, our feature film with Charlie Sheen. You will hear Charlie say, "Does this look infected?"

Incomings

Continued From: "Incomings"

Here's another quiz sent to me by Bob Middleton (a k a Bob Walker), my radio buddy, who has uncovered a stack of one-liners I wrote for deejays 30 years ago. Bob likes to test my memory, as I recall or delude, and floss chipmunks.

Bob

It's time to play that enthralling radio game "Who Said That?" Brought to you by the makers of Butt Putty.

OK, here are our items.

• At tax time, avoid going to an accountant named Bugsy.
  
• I gotta hurry home. Today, I replace the snake eyes on my fuzzy foam dash dice.
  
• Doing this show is more fun than tweezing Ernest Borgnine.

OK, it's up to you, our studio audience. Who said that? Mike or [another writer]?

Mike

Thank you. It's great to be on your show. Can we get some soap in the stall? Maybe some cling-free timothy?

Image via Wikipedia

As for my answers, nothing says "Mikey" like "fuzzy foam dash dice" and "tweezing Ernest Borgnine."

The Bugsy joke is not mine; it needs something more like stuttering spats.

Bob

You're right! For your coveted prize, you get a nice buttload of [name withheld, but funny!] Smoke Tartar. And you get a copy of our home game, "Ladies, Grab Your Seats."

You mean "Timothy" by The Buoys?

The Buoys: "Timothy" via YouTube

Mike

timo·thy (tim′ə t̸hē) [via YourDictionary.com]
noun
☆ a perennial European grass (Phleum pratense) with dense, cylindrical spikes of bristly spikelets, widely grown for hay

I'm leaning to publishing these endearingly lovely quiz emails, Bob, with your kind blessings and beer farts. I will delete any incriminating material, specifically the name of [name withheld, but funny!], who, I'm told, is particularly attracted to my bottom. (A lot of that going on around [location withheld].)

Bob

Print away. I would be more than delighted. Did I ever tell you [name withheld, but funny!] never wanted to [field trip withheld].

I can come up with reams of more material. I was cleaning up my spare room and came across your funny stuff. You've got quite a warped mind, my brother.

Mike

No, Bob, you never told me of that particular female peccadillo, but, thankfully, I shall be suitably troubled by it until my dying day and maybe another eternity.

Gulp. You made me swallow my gum. "Cleaning up my spare room."

Come to our house. We have plenty more [to tidy].

More to come...

Incomings

This round of correspondence was initiated by my radio partner, Bob Middleton (a k a Bob Walker), formerly of "Boss Bad Radio."

I kid the Bob.

Bob says of WBAD, "1570 on AM dial, just above the police frequencies."

He's been a Kansas radio favorite for three decades, currently at My 93-1, Hutchinson. Bob once sent me an autographed tumbleweed. It's still blowing east.

I've known Bob from his days at WRAS, WIIN-97, and Z-93, Atlanta. His cat, Pooper, once jumped on my head and I kinda liked it.

As the cleverly branded Mike and Bob, we hosted the morning show at WFOM, Marietta (an Atlanta suburb), 1978-80. One of our popular quotes: "7:14, 39 degrees."

Bob still uses that. I get no checks.

In the following years, I wrote comedy material and published "The Security Blanket," a joke sheet for radio announcers in the United States and Canada. The monthly issues were along the lines of "The Electric Weenie," another comedy source for deejays.

Out of the blue, last week, Bob started asking the hard questions. He had found his wayward box of -- *cough* -- adlibs.

Bob

It's time to play that great radio fun game "Who Said That?" We will tell you [four] goofy lines. Did Mikey say [it] or "The Electric Weenie"?

• I need more taxes like Flipper needs Nair.

• It's so nice out, I saw Mr. Peanut getting fitted with a Polaroid monocle.
  
• Mr. Whipple's ancestors were opposed to squatters' rights.
  
• Weird dentist. He has pin-ups of Marie Osmond's cavities.

OK, which one is not a Mikey quote?

Mike

Golly. The first two are mine and have my rhythms.

I'd say one of the last two is not mine, probably Marie Osmond. However, I am not sure, although I do recall the Mr. Whipple. I'd be so proud to squat. And thanks for squeezing it out of me.

I hope I win some Turtle Wax.

Bob

You're right, MIke! Just for answering our question, you win two used airline tickets to Tallapoosa and some Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat. Now, back to "Catch It and Keep It!"

Mike

So, I wrote the Squatters' Rights bit! Yay, me. ... I'm especially humbled.

More to come...

His Name ... José Jiménez, Astronaut

NASA's shuttle Atlantis launched into outer space this morning, marking the end of an impressive half century for American primates. I remember life before the race to penetrate the heavens and, strangely, find myself living in the future where no more of our astronauts will pop up beyond the Earth's atmosphere strapped inside USA vehicles.

My comment on Twitter got me to reminiscing.

I was around for the USA's first manned space flight & the last. The best thing the NASA programs gave me was José Jiménez.

I was being silly, but, to be truthful, not much.

In 1961, before manned rocket flights, a comedy routine jumped to the top of the airplay on Top 40 radio stations, and elsewhere, becoming a swift national sensation. Comedian Bill Dana released an in-depth Q&A with his comic character, José Jiménez. It seems the endearing innocent somehow positioned himself to become "the first man in space!"

I was nine and completely devoted to this piece of comedy brilliance. So consumed, I demanded -- as much as a kid could dare -- that my mother purchase the 45 RPM double-sided single, which I played on our turntable incessantly, memorizing and simultaneously performing the material in response to interviewer Don Hinckley.

I found "The Astronaut" at YouTube to share here, but this particular copy has an added puppet show performance video inserted by a fan. Underlying, however, is the uncut audio I still adore and enjoy as if it were emanating from a news broadcast.

Before listening, Wikipedia adds an anecdote about José's superstar fame:

Perhaps surprisingly, the character of José Jiménez caught on amongst the seven Mercury astronauts, and Dana became good friends with them. "Okay, José, you're on your way!" Deke Slayton quipped as Alan Shepard's famous first flight launched, in reference to the astronaut parody.

For his role as José the Astronaut, Dana was officially made an honorary Mercury astronaut.

José Jiménez: "The Astronaut" via YouTube

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "We Are Smoking in Front of the Building" from "The Bob and Tom Show" via Google Video

Lucille Ball Cartoon: 'My Favorite Husband: George's Christmas Present' (1949, 2010)

Lucille Ball, Richard Denning via Wikipedia

I find myself inside a holiday miracle!

A day or so before Christmas, by happenstance, I listened to a previously unheard-by-me episode of "My Favorite Husband," the radio sitcom starring Lucille Ball. This series, of course, was the basis for TV's "I Love Lucy." The show I heard, "George's Christmas Present," first aired across America on Dec. 16, 1949.

Jump ahead to this afternoon, and, by happenstance, I discovered the very same episode has been recently Flash animated by Wayne Wilson, nicely, too. What are the chances of that occurring?

Here is the animation in three parts with co-star Richard Denning, plus Eleanor Audley and personal favorite Frank Nelson.

I'd sure like to see more of these, Miracle Central.



"My Favorite Husband: 1949 Christmas Show, Part 1" via YouTube



"My Favorite Husband: 1949 Christmas Show, Part 2" via YouTube



"My Favorite Husband: 1949 Christmas Show, Part 3" via YouTube
Thanks to Yowp.

Sea

"The Jack Benny Program: Horatio Hornblower Parody" with Mel Blanc via YouTube 
Specific clips of note at :00-1:11 and 3:51-5:07

100 Things About Me #153

Wonderful WINO

George Carlin appeared on ABC's "The Hollywood Palace," Dec. 10, 1966, in an episode co-hosted by Jimmy Durante and his hat. Carlin performed this sketch about radio station WINO.


_{Can't see the video? Try here.}
I'd seek Carlin on the various TV programs of the day, where the WINO routine and several others, including Al Sleet, the Hippy Dippy Weatherman, established his fame. I remember clearly, a walking home from school ritual, reciting the comedian's act to myself.

The three-second "Wonderful WINO" jingle was as instrumental as anything else in leading me to my career in radio. It was always a kick to play the call letter jingles on the air between the shady used car dealer commercials and the moldy oldies.

During my deejay years at WFOM, Marietta, an Atlanta suburb, we'd refer to the station as "Wonderful Woofum" -- a nod to Carlin, and dripping sarcasm in the same breath.

My secret wish was to have a jingle where the singers crooned my name, but I worked for broadcasters unwilling to invest in an orchestra and chorus for Mikey. Oh, they of misguided priorities.

I did get to voice "Starts Friday at a theatre or drive-in near you" a lot, and "Free balloons for the kids!" so that was nice.


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