Walk Like a Man, Talk Like a Man

Since 1933, a cornerstone of the Radio City holiday performances has been the "Parade of the Wooden Soldiers," shown in this promotional photograph. The Rockettes march about in tiny steps and precise formations to create the illusion of gigantic toys executing their military drills. For many viewers, it is the favorite sequence of "Christmas Spectacular," met with hearty applause of recognition as Santa winds them up to tippy toe onward.

The musical number is so iconic and beloved, I was highly tickled to round a corner after the cast had departed and behold the sharp uniforms congregating near the Fox Theatre stage door, apparently in anticipation of laundry day. I stopped and smiled.



I felt surprisingly paternal to the young ladies during our association, so it is with fondness and a gentleman's innocence when I claim I got into the Rockettes' pants.

Happy Hump Day 2

I have raved about the delightful catering provided for the cast and crew during the Atlanta run of "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" at the Fox. I couldn't have been more pleased and my tummy is humbled and grateful to the producers and the theatre.

Well, to be honest, the food improved after the first week. Initially, it was kinda bland, but I might have been in the wrong buffet line....

Say Wha'?

Fox Theatre
Atlanta, GA
November 2009

One evening, moments before the second act in a technical rehearsal of "Radio City Christmas Spectacular," I sat quietly at the video controls, listening over my earpiece to the Production Stage Manager chat with members of the crew. She noted several last minute preparations. Here's an actual conversation.

Stage Manager: "Are the elves all Miked up, yet?"

Long pause.

Me: "Um, I don't know whether I should take offense at that."

Stage Manager: "At what?"

Me: "All Miked up."

Short pause.

Stage Manager: "I meant 'microphone.'"

Me: "Oh-hhh..."

Big Weekend

Big weekend, pondering questions my parents never answered.

Friday: Mom and Dad are deceased. I am still waiting for The Sex Talk. I have been married nearly 29 years. May I PUHHH-LEEEEEEEZE proceed?!!

Saturday: Washer Woman's Elbow. They never explained Washer Woman's Elbow. And here I suffer suds and a clogged lint trap up my sleeve.

Sunday: Why is it guys go clueless at 55 and walk around with their zippers open?

Of course, I remain too pubescent and keen to have had any personal experience.

Double Feature Kitties: 'Cop 'N Kitty' and 'Cop 'N Kitty 2: Kitty Kitty Bang Bang'

Television programs are not commonly defined as motion pictures, although they are certainly such. So, when Morty refers to them as "movies," please give him some space. He's a cat and he doesn't get out much, mostly, as we've learned before, because he's boycotting Fake IMAX.

Today's Double Feature Kitties are from a new show Morty and I enjoy watching together. I get hard-bitten detective action and Morty gets hard-bitten sympathy fleas.

Jay Leno 'n Kitty as "Cop 'N Kitty." Next.


"Cop 'N Kitty: Pilot" via NBC


"Cop 'N Kitty: Kitty Kitty Bang Bang" via NBC

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less:

Sometimes my voice mail says, "Are you still there?" ... I hate it when the hired help gets snippy.

Attention Burl Ives, concerning HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS: I don't care if you've been dead 14 years. Quit singing through your nose.

Mrs. Woods going after Tiger with a golf club ... Now, THAT'S comedy!

On TV: BACK FROM ETERNITY. Great movie. At least, it didn't leave me dangling like UVULA FROM ETERNITY.

News item: "School bans word: 'meep.'" ... Theyep haveep gotep toep beep kiddingep meep.

I watched FOUR CHRISTMASES on TV, shown panned and scanned. It was more like THREE POINT EIGHTEEN CHRISTMASES.

Visited Laurel & Hardy Official Website. Now my foot's swollen, head in a cast, keyboard in molasses & wife is the wiser.

Rehearsals are over on Atlanta's RADIO CITY XMAS SPECTACULAR. No one's yelled at me &The Rockettes are wearing their antlers. Life is good.

Phew. Pirates showed up unexpectedly in my bathtub! They were hostile. I met their ransom demand. I slipped into a robe.

@RasmussenPoll survey: "77% say they're on Santa's 'nice' list... 9% say 'naughty.'" ... I called in "sick."

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Eating With the Stars

I've been finished with my commitment to the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" for five days and I am so hungry. Golly, did they feed us!

Thanksgiving weekend alone, we put on 11 shows (and untold poundage) in three days. We ate every three hours, following the Nativity finale. That's eight catered feasts in three days -- plus, snacks whenever we pleased.

To fit them all in, I had to schedule times to belch.

"I can erupt at 2:57, Intermission, which means I can Coca-Cola now and, maybe, THESE BROWNIES!... Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom...."

The crew always ate with the cast. Rockettes in their robes AND gravy!

For that I gave thanks.

Indeed, the Rockettes wore bathrobes to the buffets, before changing back into their work clothes. I simply continued to wear the terrycloth kimono while doing my job, strutting up through the Fox Theatre balcony crowds to the projection room.

Breezy! And more time for scarfing!

Santa dined in his red, fur-trimmed Slanket, which had to be altered after each slurp fest, while the Ensemble was seen in fleece Snuggies, which kept them warm and the sheep out of the commissary.

Say, for what it's worth, those Rockettes can pack away the food. I was astounded to see the girls' plates piled high with desserts galore. Of course, that's what abundant exercise can allow -- and exactly how I keep my figure, through vigorous exercise. I'm on The Burp Work-Out.

I stretched on a sofa after one humongous meal, stuffed, fulfilled, and happy, until some wag pointed at my tummy and asked if I were understudying the camels.