A Room With a Brew

After the groundbreaking at our house, it's time to reveal the dream.

We're adding a Cinnabon.

Fall Festivals O' Fun

Worst Homemade Fudge Ever!

Big Weekend

Big weekend with my conventional bananas.

Darn those unconventional bananas and their T-tops and racing stripes.

Slackjaw Dumbstruck: 'Happy Hot Dog Man™'

"Happy Hot Dog Man™" via YouTube
Franks to Ray Taylor

Big Weekend

Big weekend, a luncheon at a deli, which suddenly turned into a panic of exasperation when I excused myself for the Gents.

I found no Gents. There was a broom closet, a couple of trashcans, and the fizzy drinks drain.

I also noticed a door marked "Manly Bunz." This might have been the "Gents" of a bygone era updated into a really annoying piece of pop culture cutesiness. Hey, I had to pee, people!

PEE, I TELL YA!!

I certainly do have Manly Bunz (and mine are spelled correctly), but the door alongside the first cooed, "Shapely Bunz."

Well, hell yeah, I do have Shapely Bunz. Nine out of 10 proctologists agree. The tenth one is into crullers. I have no idea what that's all about.

"Durrett, 'rrett, wherever shall I go? Whatever shall I do?"

Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz? Manly Bunz? Shapely Bunz?

Drat.

I drove my Sopping Bunz home.

Real fast and humid.

Here's Joe Cool Hanging Around the Dollar Store Eyeing Chicks

Continued From: "Meanwhile..." 

After purchasing cat bowls to appease the furry gaping maws at home, I looked for place mats to go under their food.

Nothing dresses up appetizing floorboards beneath the coat hooks like a piece of cheap plastic with kitty paw print designs splotched on it.

I found zilch suitable for the pets.

But for me, SCORE!!

Meanwhile...

We required four new food bowls to serve our cats adequately, so Father Goose, as the wife calls me, along with the alternate sweetheart appellation Guts o' Thunder & Cheese, plus the unnecessary For Whom the Bed Toils, headed off to do the shopping.

I found the ideal dishes, but there were only three labeled worthy of kitties, so I was forced to purchase one intended for another culture.

"Hey, these bowls look identical to me," I said, in case continuity might be needed later. "No one will ever be the wiser. I shall check-out now and leave my camera operative and handy, in case a cute photo opportunity makes itself available when I unpack the merchandise back at the abode."

Someone's feline intuition and evil eye went directly to the offending vessel. I got into the car and returned the dog bowl to the market, where I upgraded Morty to a cat gravy boat and the obligatory accessory, an official tabby captain's hat.

Meet the Neighbors

You may know about the 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffet we operate in our driveway, but you might not know we have been fighting the installation of a sneeze guard over the serving table.

And now, thanks to this hare-brain, the county says we must install a cottontail guard....

Attention Neighbors!: Do Not Sit on the Food!

Big Weekend

Big weekend, watching my mouth. 

I had several friends, including the dear wife, insist I try some creepy Seaweed Snack.

Blech and nope.

What is so hard to understand about "I don't eat seafood!"

Big Weekend

Big weekend, salivating over Pop-Tarts World. 

Pop-Tarts World has opened in New York City. I'd surely enjoy the thrill rides, but I don't care to "FASTEN YOUR FRUIT FILLINGS."

How dare they say that to me?

Furthermore, "YOU HAVE TO BE THIS NOT PARTICULARLY NOURISHING TO RIDE."

---

Photo courtesy of Diaper, Creative Commons license.

Big Weekend

"Bosco Chocolate Syrup (1950s)" via YouTube
Big weekend, bought me some Bosco!


"Bosco Bear Milk Amplifier Commercial" via YouTube
When I was five and six, the number one, supremely glorious, must-have commodity in the whole wide world was Bosco!

"Bosco Chocolate Milk Commercial With Dick Van Dyke" via YouTube
Nowadays, I add Bosco to my coffee. I am the most wired kid I know.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Sam the Seagull Stealing Doritos" via YouTube

My Mom Always Said

MY MOM ALWAYS SAID, "It's a Nice Night Out for Your Salt Lick. Remember to Wipe Your Hooves."

Continued From: "My Mom Always Said" #1 | "My Mom Always Said" #2
More My Mom: "Mom Rules!" via About.com

My Mom Always Said

MY MOM ALWAYS SAID, "The Best Meals Are Quiet Meals. Michael, Isn't Your Mother Calling You? ... Oh. Wait."

Continued From: "My Mom Always Said" #1
More My Mom: "Mom Rules!" via About.com

My Mom Always Said

MY MOM ALWAYS SAID, "Get Your Toes Out of the Gravy Bowl. Boys, No Wading Until 30 Minutes After Dinner."

More My Mom: "Mom Rules!" via About.com

Spring Cleaning

Some Clutter I Wanna Throw Out

I posted this photograph, a few weeks ago, but made no comment. The handmade sign on the table says: "ASSORTED GOURDS."

That bothers me. Aren't gourds assorted by definition? No two are precisely alike. Or have I not heard of a gourd lathe or something?

---

I purchased several DVDs online. Being a loving husband, I offered -- pleaded, actually -- to buy Donna "Gomer Pyle: The Complete Second Season" (aka "Sgt. Carter Gone Wild!") (aka "Gomer Gone Awkward!") (aka "Ronnie Schell Gone Unnoticed!") and "Porky's: The Ultimate Collection" for her birthday, but she seemed a tad disinterested, especially after the yelling subsided. Hey, it's her birthday.

---

FROM THE DESK OF Mike

YouTube, never-erring arbiter of good taste, presents charming CNN footage entitled, "Larry King Farts: LIVE."

I'm not so sure about this, but I can dream, can't I?

Big Weekend

Big weekend, met The Easter Bunny at IHOP.

I had pancakes. He had anything but eggs.

I paid for brunch. Told him to leave something on the table.

Oops.

I should've stayed home and had breakfast with The Easter Deer....

100 Things About Me #179

Lovin' Me Some Christian Revelation

My First Chocolate Easter Bunny
(and Comb-Over)

100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Table With a View

We are very content to feed the locals, who visit our forest famous wildlife buffet frequently, alone and in groups. It can be standing room only.

Under the cover of kitchen, through the cooking glass, we watch. Guests flocking in range from birds to deer, bunnies, raccoons, squirrels, and opossums. We close down when the bears appear because we are afraid to serve their kind and they are notoriously bad tippers.

Generally, there are no complaints from the clientele, although...

There are occasional food fights.

Monster Mush

We're barricaded inside the house, worrying about The Loch Nest Monster on our property. I've given her surprise appearance much thought because she was seen very close to our 24-hour, 365-day, complimentary wildlife buffet table, operating alongside the driveway.

I have absolutely no idea what to serve a puddle behemoth, especially one of Scottish heritage. That cuisine is off my palate, frankly. I've never developed a taste for the plaid food.

Other concerns of Nessie necessities?

The extra vittles expense for such a large mouth is something we'd prefer not to undertake, along with the county ordinance requiring us to install an unsightly plesiosaur sneeze guard.