Top 10 Worst Scary Movies Ever!

10. "A Very Wolfman Full Moon Brazilian Wax"

9. "Nancy Pelosi on Elm Street"

8. "The Thing vs. The Doohickey"

7. "Chaz Bono's Wonderful World of Play-Doh Molds"

6. "Homicide With Raisins"

5. "Frankenstein: A Boy and His Trousers" (Animated)

4. "Nanny McPhee Chokes on Her Own Coagulated Bile" (Oops, this should be on the "Inspirational Larks" list.)

4. "Fraidy Gaga"

3. "It's the Great Pumpkins, Chesty Morgan"

2. "Pootloose"

And the #1 Worst Scary Movie Ever!: "Abbott and Costello Meet Your Toenails in a Dixie Cup"

My Cinematic Alphabet

In recent travels across the Internet (losing my luggage), I noticed several writers sharing cinematic alphabets, wherein their go-to movies represent each of the 25 letters the coherent among us use to communicate -- and, sometimes, y.

The endeavor is nuttily nostalgic. During my school days, familiar objects were offered by teachers to illustrate the various vowels and consonants, like A is for apple, B is for book, and C is for cigarettes and, sometimes, Coors.

The compilation of my list of motion pictures was very difficult because I had so many worthy films to tweeze away. My sincerest apologies to "Pinocchio," "Bambi," "It's a Gift," "City Lights," "Bridge on the River Kwai," "Cinema Paradiso," "Jean de Florette," "Play It Again, Sam," "Bananas," "Singin' in the Rain," "Never Give a Sucker an Even Break," "Deputy Droopy," and many more. I may have my clones, Lester and Connie, prepare cinematic alphabets to include these neglected productions; however, knowing those two kin / mes, we'd be deluged by "Cops" episodes and "Dancing With the Stars (Who Aren't Big Enough to Not Have to Do This Humbling, Soul-Crushing TV Series)."

Yes, I've written about many of my titles before, but, at least, I am consistent, and heading on out to the lobby for popcorn and Dots. Save my seat.

I love a house with a lobby.



A is for "Annie Hall" (1977)


B is for "The Bank Dick" (1940)


C is for "Citizen Kane" (1941)


D is for "Duck Soup" (1933)


E is for "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" (1982)


F is for "A Face in the Crowd" (1957) 

G is for "The Geisha Boy" (1958)


H is for "How the West Was Won" in CINERAMA (1962)


I is for "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946)


J is for "Jaws" (1975)


K is for "King Kong" (1933)



L is for "The Ladies' Man" (1961)


M is for "The Miracle of Morgan's Creek" (1944)


N is for "North by Northwest" (1959)


O is for "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968)


P is for "Psycho" (1960)


Q is for "The Quiet Man" (1952)


R is for "Rear Window" (1954)

S is for "The Searchers" (1956)


T is for "To Catch a Thief" (1955)


U is for "Up" (2009)


V is for "Vertigo" (1958)


W is for "The Wizard of Oz" (1939)



X is for "Xanadu" (1980)



Y is for "Young Frankenstein" (1974)



Z is for "Zotz!" (1962)

And, sometimes, "Why Worry?" (1923)