Big Weekend

Big weekend, outraged! 

The commercialization of theology.

I Got Nuthin'

Consolation Video: "Another Exorcist" (2011) via YouTube and "San Diego Reader"

Just Sittin' Around Still Waitin' for the Rapture

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 5:55 p.m.

The Rapture to begin at 6 p.m. and then stay tuned for an all-new "House," Monday on FOX. Viewer discretion is advised.

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 5:56 p.m.

Gonna squeeze in an oldie by Skeeter Davis.

I always liked the name Skeeter. There's no time like the present. Call me Skeeter. Heaven, I shall be a delight!

Second thought, don't. In Hell, I'll be flyswattered.



Skeeter Davis: "The End of the World" via YouTube

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 5:59 p.m.

The Last Scuppernong.

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 10:49 p.m.

Crawled out from under the electric blanket under the bed. Took a look-see. I wanna thank God for making my quarters an exact replica of our place back on Earth. This is surprising and welcoming and Heaven, as Donna and our kitties are here, also.

Wonder if there is any half-eaten, leftover exact replica Velveeta in the fridge?...

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 10:53 p.m.

Wife, playing Sudoku, on the couch on the Earth. She says The Rapture is a no-show.

I unsuck gut.

"Maybe it's coming AMTRAK?"

Diary Entry, May 21, 2011, 10:54 p.m.

The Ventures: "Wipe Out!" via YouTube

Thanks to Charlie Flashbacks.

Just Sittin' Around Waitin' for The Rapture

And, maybe, a Pepsi. 

There's bad news / good news, depending on how you look at it, plus good news.

The bad news / good news: The world will end today.

The good news: I've got season tickets to "Hair" for tomorrow.

Did me some Twitter...

Packing wax lips, Tic Tacs, and Hula Hoop for The Rapture... Also, Trivial Pursuit: Earth Edition...

Frank, I've got your DVDs ready to mail, but waiting to go to the post office until Monday. Don't wanna waste any money on stamps, you know, in case.

Collecting the used kitty litter and driving it to the dump this afternoon. The Crapture.

I'm told the fun hits at 6 p.m. Eastern. Is that Daylight Saving Time and/or Soul Saving Time?

I'm skeered. I figure my wife goes to Heaven and I'm in Hell. The 7:15 "Pirates of the Caribbean 4." God, help me.

Worried I'll be separated from my cats. Who will take care of me? I have no grooming skills.

Best of wishes to you,

Your Pal,

Mike
At the Help Desk

P.S. Meanwhile, at Twitter...

With The Rapture coming, I'd like to close with a little song...

There R chix just ripe 4 some kissin'
& I mean 2 kiss me a few!
Then those chix don't know what they're missin',
I got a lot of living 2 do!

Gifts Senior Moment Santa Forgot to Bring Me: Shiny Nativity Set

And another thing the festive failing fatso neglected to deliver, authentic porcelain Nativity figurines, including Wise Man Larry.

Bad Day

I will spare you the details. 

Today was a miserable day. 

Epic. 

Brutal. 

Mercy. 

I'm not usually depressed to the point of immobility, but there are troublesome obstacles I will never overcome.

This evening, I had to get out of the house.

I crawled to the car and scratched off towards town.

Driving wildly into the darkness, I lowered the window, and shouted over the wind and oncoming traffic.

I heard myself scream, "Lord! Help me! What must I do? Help me! How can I go on? Give me a sign!"

I feel better.

Chewed for Thought

Apparently, the Bible fails to address chomping an entire pack of Juicy Fruit.

Big Weekend

Big weekend

This Makes Me Nervous

I'm surprised there was no public outrage over the Reester Bunny, nor the Reesurrection.


Next: Jujubes

Creator Says, 'Hey!'

And the Lord said, "Apostrophe. Maybe some quotation marks, and, I thinketh, one of those li'l dot jobs on the end."

Onward Christian Handymen

Yes. Please pray you'll come over and clean out my gutters for free.

Sniffing Around the Jesus Air Freshener

This product has me puzzled ("Gifts Senior Moment Santa Forgot to Bring Me: Jesus Air Freshener").

I have trouble believing Jesus would license His name as a truck fragrance spokesLord.

C'mon, surely He could get on with Halo Shampoo -- or Chock Full O' Nuts, the heavenly coffee.

And, besides, all of the A-listers only do voice-overs.

This brand, Funky Fresh, is that an oxymoron?

"American Heritage Dictionary" defines "funky" as:

"Having a moldy or musty smell: funky cheese; funky cellars."

To be honest, I have qualms with a funky Son of God. I put no faith in such irrationality. I pray He used Dial. Don't you wish every savior did?

Now that I've pondered some more, Jesus would be Ivory fresh. The soap's nearly as pure as Him and He floats, too.

Slackjaw Dumbstruck: 'Toking' With Lawrence Welk

From "The Lawrence Welk Show," circa 1970, man.

Fire up a spliff, as Gail and Dale groove on "a modern spiritual."


Amen and exhale.

_{Can't see the video? Try here. (Via "Boing Boing")}

Boogie Like an Egyptian

Continued From: "Scratch 'n' Spiff," part of a thread starting with "Cents and Sensibility."



There were no "Old Testament" CDs for sale. What a disappointment. I'm a big fan of the Moses-gown Sound.

All those songs, Smokey Merneptah and the Miracles, great.

And, of course, my favorite "Old Testament" solid gold, "Li'l Red Riding Hood" and "Wooly Bully" by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs.


Continued: "Doggone"

Peeps of Faith

Bible Flash Cards?

Oh, my, such revelations could be explosive!

Joseph and the, uh, Gaping Technicolor Raincoat?

Noah's Argyle Socks?

The Garter of Eden?

God Is in My Corner

I was feeling discouraged on my birthday, so I asked for a sign.

Two minutes later, there it was.


"Firecracker Chicken Taquito."

After decades of indecision, I have found my wrasslin' name.

Christianity: The Opposing Views

THE BIBLE ON DVD

DVD ON THE BIBLE

The World's Best-Loved Sacred Stories

100 Things About Me

#24
"That didn't come out right."

I'm a smart aleck, even when I'm not trying to be a smart aleck.

Evidence

Here's an actual, completely innocent conversation I had with The Wife®:

Donna: I plan on watching "The Passion of the Christ" again -- maybe Easter weekend. Shall we order from [our mail rental service] or should I rent it from Blockbuster?

Mike: Either. Blockbuster might help you nail it down better.

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