Funny Site of the Day Redux, Can We Get the Ducks Outta Here, Please?...

When I began writing Web humor articles professionally, having been deemed an "expert" on the topic by The Mining Co. (later rebranded as About.com), I had experienced the Internet a mere 12 weeks in total, if that.

My site went live on April 1, 1998. I quit on April 1, 2009. Until April 1, 2010, I was on sabbatical, which meant not writing that stuff, and devoting myself to a vivacious new world I called Funny Pudding of the Day.

So, last week, under the cover of darkness and beneath an indifferent cat who doesn't understand "Marmaduke" (kitty gets that from me), I revisited my ritual Funny Site of the Day Internet pathways, previously traversed and sometimes cursed for more than a decade.

Where has it all brought us?

The new FunnySiteOfTheDay.com is up and smiling, growing and ongoing. Please check in on amusements you may not have seen before or for awhile.

Pass them along to enemies, invites the grizzled, seasoned-veteran "expert."

I Got Nuthin'

"Web Site Story" via CollegeHumor
Thanks to Willam Colquitt

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water...

You know, kids, when I'm not busy bulking up, I'm exercising immaculate dental hygiene.

That's why I'm off to floss with an eel.

Later...

_{Shark Yourself via About.com Web Humor}

He Purrs Among Us

Continued From: "Meanwhile..."

Morty, I stand corrected.

You only use the catnip thumbs and mouse on the desk computer. Laptops have touchpads, as do you.

Thank you for your service.

And now, we promised a selection of the portraits Morty created from his snapshot (above right) on the PicHacks image maker.




Morty, I collapse corrected.

You are creeping me out, cat.

Meanwhile...

Morty got wind of my About.com article concerning personal photographs altered on the funny face maker at PicHacks.

He's over on top of the other desk on top of the laptop, manipulating -- or, perhaps, I should say catipulating -- his own snapshot into comical contortions.

We'll post those images later, maybe tongue some milk.

I'm proud of Morty and the computer. He's pretty impressive for a seven-year-old. He's always into something on that Internet, using the catnip thumbs I bought him and, of course, a mouse.

It's de rigueur.


Continued: "He Purrs Among Us"

100 Things About Me #142

Meating Mike for
Dinner

Yeah, but I'm no picnic.


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In the Interest of Fairness

Periodically, as a public service, we pause to give all of the other blogs a chance to catch up....






































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Ah, that should be enough.

Tinkle Toes

I've just been added to the Lollapalooza line-up. I'll be performing my one man show, "Bladderdance."


^{Can't see the video? Click here.}

Birth of a Notion

The other day on my About.com site, I tossed off this line:

"Forget the iPhone. Where's our iSpork?"

Ever since, I've been giving that concept a lot of thought and, frankly, it's a winner. What could be more high tech and cooler than a gadget that is part spoon, part fork, and part Internet babes? Why, it--

Oh.

My.

God.

I'm going to be immensely rich....

The iSpornk.

Too Sexy for My Site

As you may know, I write About.com: Humor. Here's a screenshot of the home page, taken yesterday.

Notice the square block on the right (shown full-scale below). That's the "What's Hot" widget. The information contained inside reveals the top five most sought after articles (out of thousands) on the About Humor site during the past few days. I have no input over the items listed on the box. Computers tally the data automagically.

Observe that my Random Quotes Generator is Number One!

Yep, I don't understand that either.

The Quotes Generator soars supreme above The Nipple Server, Naked News, Mammary Memory, and Vintage Robot Porn.

Besides making me so, so very proud, what does this knowledge tell us?

For one thing: school is out. The kids are on computers without adult supervision, ogling 'bots and ... okay, dots.

Bust most impor--

Ha.

Let me interrupt here. That was an actual Freudian slip: "Bust."

I wrote it unintentionally. My condolences. It ain't easy typing with my hand up a giant foam "I'm #1!" finger.

Please allow me to try again....

But most importantly, the list tells us: I'm hot!

100 Things About Me #95

Tummy Double

I'll show you mine, if you don't show me yours.

Those are my intestines to the right.

Indeed, I am festive.

I seem to have four. Apparently, I'm eating for two.

That does explain a lot.


More: Make Your Own Multicoloured Intestine Diagram via About.com Humor

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"Practice Makes Purr-fect"

Have you heard? On this Internet thing, you can send stuff to your friends by way of the email! So, I tried it with a short home video I liked, starring a piano-playing cat.

Ha! Ha! A cat playing the piano! I am rolling on the floor with the laughter, reattaching my bum.

I found the recital clip at GooTube and sent it to my friends by way of the email!



Hollywood pal, Burbank's Frank, responded by way of the email!

"You know, I thought the cat had a great deal of presence, and if performance is all you're after, he gives a great show. I grant you that. But the song itself was repetitive and derivative. I mean, where's the originality? Really shockingly low level of technique. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to give him a 'no.'"

You, sir, are a tough audience. The cat had me at bench posture.

Making Something Clear

My continuing education is important to me. Not a day goes by that I don't endeavor in a scholarly pursuit at this very keyboard.

The other night, while writing about the clinical complexities of urination, which appears in the story thread beginning with "Bear Scare," my thirst for knowledge sent me to Answers.com. I found this bit of irony -- and some darn fine learnin'....


Well, duh, when you say "wee-wee," you're "meaning #1!"

100 Things About Me #92

Writing About Humor

^{Internet Humor motivational poster made at Despair, Inc. Click image for larger version. Read more about Despair and writing About Humor.}

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Dark Chocolate

Thanks to the online Become an M&M Character Creator, I've finally been able to check off another accomplished dream of life.

I have designed an M in my own image. You don't know what it means to me to get free monogramming.

All of my essence has been captured: my sweet, sugary-coated complexion, high-gloss green sheen, arms growing out of my ears, and that ever-mysterious lack of candy ass and manly bits. It's a great day.

I'd love to show you my creation, but the Mars, Incorporated legal department says, "Nuts to you."

I hope they melt.

Nevertheless, via About Humor, you can create your own M with those tools on Mars.

Rebus Mikey

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Hold your cursor over the above images for the hidden messages.

Play with the Rebus Generator via Festisite. You may need to select "Rebus" from their menu.

And Now, the News...

^{Circulating the Internet, source unknown.}