Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

On Technology

Friend Claire
Just went out and got a Blackberry! I feel so modern.

Mike
I'm only now mastering the chisel and granite slabs.

Claire
How is that working for you? It explains why we never get any letters from you.

Mike
The carnage with the homing pigeons is exasperating.

On Literature

Mike
Forget Suzanne Somers' book. I take my cues from Mr. Furley: "Sexy Forever.".

Friend Yowp
Well, there *is* a striking resemblance ;)

Mike
Mostly the groovy wardrobe.

If it weren't for the nervous tics, I'd get no exercise at all.

On Groundhog Day

Mike
This is not good. Punxsutawney Phil popped out of his hole and saw the Justin Bieber movie.

Friend Claire
Did he have popcorn? Doesn't that mean a bad spring film season?

Mike
The implications may be dire. To begin with, we must go six weeks without getting our bangs trimmed.

...I never see my shadow. Luxurious, thick hair in my eyes prevents such. And those are just my lashes!

On Composer John Barry

Mike
A terrific heist sequence in "Goldfinger" made better by the pounding music of John Barry. I listen to this track and I'm ready to go knock over a liquor store....

Maybe... I'll also hit and bring Dairy Queen....

Friend Cathy
Oh, yeah, and while you're knocking over that liquor store, be a dear and grab a little half gallon of Jose Cuervo for me...

Mike
Too late. I'm on the lam. I'm drunk and the Moolattes are melting....

On Comedy

Friend Mark
I have a fond appreciation for long-running gags -- after all, this year I will be married to the same woman for 25 years.

Mike
I knew I was funnier. 30 years.

Friend Frank
Yeah, but is Donna still laughing?

Mike
She does in the lounge, but seldom during the supper show.

Frank
She doesn't like it when you work blue.