Secrets to a Successful 30-Year Marriage #2-4

Although I play with my food, my spouse is not allowed to declare I'm behaving like a "child."

I prefer to be recognized as a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity Feng Shuist.

Out of love and deference, not once, not one time in three decades, have I left the toilet seat up. Not once!

A jewel, aren't I?

The cats would fall in.

I read a report that said the average married couple has 312 arguments per year.

Husbands and wives should not quarrel so much. It is not productive in any reasonable--

Gee, I'm not the bickering jerk I thought. I could do worse. What's Donna's phone number?!...