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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter:

Headline: "Wal-Mart Partners With Homeland Security." Oh, great. Greeters on the border. ... "Welcome to Wall Not."

This made me smile. Early Saturday morning, TCM is showing NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, followed by GOOD EATING HABITS.

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE snubbed by the increasingly irrelevant Oscars. This is the most heinous slight since no kudos for PAUL BLART: MALL COP.

I've been contemplating both new school and old school. My new stage name: 'Snooki' Thalberg.

@jimmykimmel sez: "I'm not sure why I love you dryer lint, but I do." — Golly! A kindred spirit! I like it hot, Jimmy.

I have got to lose this extra Christmas cookies/candy/fruitcake/figgy p. poundage. What direction do the slimming stripes go on the caftans?

Got a satellite radio which also works like an iPod. First thing I did was to capture KOOKIE KOOKIE (LEND ME YOUR COMB). Ah, technology.

Got up at dawn, showered & drove 80 miles to my eye appointment -- which is TOMORROW! Something's wrong w/my eyes. I can't read a calendar.

Item: "Warner Bros. to Reboot LETHAL WEAPON." I'm too old for this $#@%!

Drat. I thought I'd reach retirement age B4 I heard someone say, "My pants are in the donut machine!" Nope. I heard it today. I can't go on.

Follow Mike on Twitter
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Thanks to Randy Stewart for special material. Twitter Birds by SpoonGraphics

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