My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less:
Sometimes my voice mail says, "Are you still there?" ... I hate it when the hired help gets snippy.
Attention Burl Ives, concerning HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS: I don't care if you've been dead 14 years. Quit singing through your nose.
Mrs. Woods going after Tiger with a golf club ... Now, THAT'S comedy!
On TV: BACK FROM ETERNITY. Great movie. At least, it didn't leave me dangling like UVULA FROM ETERNITY.
News item: "School bans word: 'meep.'" ... Theyep haveep gotep toep beep kiddingep meep.
I watched FOUR CHRISTMASES on TV, shown panned and scanned. It was more like THREE POINT EIGHTEEN CHRISTMASES.
Visited Laurel & Hardy Official Website. Now my foot's swollen, head in a cast, keyboard in molasses & wife is the wiser.
Rehearsals are over on Atlanta's RADIO CITY XMAS SPECTACULAR. No one's yelled at me &The Rockettes are wearing their antlers. Life is good.
Phew. Pirates showed up unexpectedly in my bathtub! They were hostile. I met their ransom demand. I slipped into a robe.
@RasmussenPoll survey: "77% say they're on Santa's 'nice' list... 9% say 'naughty.'" ... I called in "sick."
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