Big Weekend

Big Labor Day weekend, watching "The Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon" — and live-blogging about the show with Emulsion Compulsion. Here are some of my comments:

9:23 p.m.
Billy Gilman is still parking cars. He’ll sing for you shortly.

10:01 p.m.
Cugie, we still loathe you.

10:14 p.m.
Waiting for the Del Moore tribute….

10:18 p.m.
Okay. Roll the Mike Douglas tribute….

10:36 p.m.
We just phoned in our pledge. They gave us thanks and vouchers for Max Alexander shots.

10:39 p.m.
Someone asks: Why isn’t the Telethon being broadcast in HD?

Me: Must be planning Wayne Newton close-ups.

10:46 p.m.
[Maureen McGovern sings]

Ugh. Scat. There’s got to be a morning after…

10:47 p.m.
Waiting for Scatman Crothers tribute…

10:55 p.m.
Oh. Norm Crosby is going to be on. I thought he had been retired. Standing ovulations for everyone!!

11:04 p.m.
Local [station] cut-in.

Make it stop, Mommy.

11:31 p.m.
Oh, my god, it’s Liza!!

[Barry Manilow immersed in black sequins]

3:54 a.m.
You guys duck out? I watched a movie.

2:18 p.m.
Good morning! It’s 2:15 EDT. I woke up to Can-Can dancers. Gosh, is it 1954 already? I’m a tot. Where’s Zsa Zsa and Toulouse?

Worship me. I saw Billy Gilman during the overnight. Well, I heard him from the other room. I haven’t actually seen him, yet. He’s the youth representative. I’m afraid I’m represented by Phyllis Diller’s nanny. The lady spinning the plates while blowing Pall Mall smoke into Shecky Greene.

Gotta find Froot Loops… Gotta find Froot Loops…

No, I don’t mean the knock-off Harmonicats from the Aladdin…

2:48 p.m.
The Jersey Boys were just on. Mixed emotions. I find that squawky singing annoying, but toilet now amazingly unclogged.

Got me some nasal love…

3:03 p.m.
The Tasty Oreo Dancers?

3:15 p.m.
Waiting for Quart Glass in Jerry’s Mouth tribute…

3:48 p.m.
Thanks for dressing up, Carrot Top.

3:54 p.m.
We’ve got a world that swings!

4:19 p.m.
[Jerry concludes one of his esoteric speeches]

I give to the telethon for the Castle Films references.

4:41 p.m.
The Chaplin tribute was a little short, but nice.

4:42 p.m.
I think it’s from Castle Films.

4:44 p.m.
Waiting for the George “Foghorn” Winslow tribute…

5:01 p.m.
Giant dancing bee? Must be the guy from Univision on again.

5:37 p.m.
[Jerry exits]

Good night, everybody! Charo, start the car…