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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter

Jamie Lee Curtis is in my kitchen, eating yogurt. What is that woman doing here? When is she going to leave? Sheesh. I've got things to do..

I appreciate how BURN NOTICE gives detailed instructions on how to be a spy. I'm rethinking the cape.

Ugh. I hate the 3rd Sat. in Sept. It's the day in my Cartoon Clubhouse when I have to climb up to the 26th floor with the new falling anvil.

The Love Police make me nervous with the fur cuffs and the cruiser siren wailing STOP IN THE NAME OF OFFICER FRISKY.

I walked by the television as the announcer said, "EZ Cracker." I yelled back, "Up yours, Smurf!"

@WH2H_Radio - Thank you for the nice words! I am humbled! I am standing proud! --Uh, drat. I am with open fly. I am blushing. I am moronic..

Headline: "New records set at Bog Snorkelling Championships" Oh, thank Heaven! I was hoping! Phew. Sleepless nights...

Making a Smoothie for my cat. Whitefish and crab. In a saucer. Pounce sprinkles on top. Little Topo Gigio with umbrella...

Headline: "Dog eats 12 large bras, sick for 3 months." That's 168 in dog breasts or something I could say about Tiger Woods.

Hey, we guys don't want to taste Activia, Jamie. Have a donut. Get out of my house. Go watch CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS. Go!

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