Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I fed my cat the last of my yogurt. And I had some Jell-o. And then I couldn't remember if I changed spoons. Gotta go scratch the couch...

Our small town's Party Shop closed, we feared, but it's relocated up the street. Phew, what a relief. We still have our source for wax lips.

It was IRON MAN night at our house, my wife's idea, yay! So she plugged in the iron and had me press the wrinkles out of all of her clothes.

It pains me to say this, but watching IRON MAN made my dental work hurt.

New ABOUT WEB HUMOR: 10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard http://tinyurl.com/5lk9fn

People are asking me to put my fur where my mouth is and grow a giant beard. Hold on, I have! I've got one now! Unfortunately, it's ingrown.

Ringo Starr is refusing to sign autographs ever. I'm not signing autographs either, but mostly because no one gives me checks to endorse.

Headline: "Man shoots himself in arm after being denied sex." "When Masturbation Goes Bad" on the next "Springer."

I tell ya, masturbation doesn't always work, but don't take it out on yourself.