Hey, what was the big deal with everyone early voting? In the long days leading up to the election, I heard numerous horror stories of folks standing in lines for hours in order to avoid crowds on Nov. 4, the official vote date.I entered my polling place on election evening at 6:17, 43 minutes before the close. There were two people in line in front of me. One was my wife. The other was the guy I raced from the parking lot. I almost beat him, too, but, in fairness to me, his walker was sneakers-propelled.
Donna and I were exemplary citizens, casting our ballots and departing City Hall somewhat lickety-split. We could have exited sooner. I, of course, had dawdled awhile to field the poll workers' nice comments about my photo ID.
"Why, yes, that is my natural aura. And, no, I, nice young man that I am, am not available for debutante escorting."
I bid them all "a debonair adieu" with the bonus flourish of a toothy "cheese!"
We zoomed straight to Starbucks, which promised to reward all patriotic voters with a complimentary cup of java.
"Are you still doing the voter coffees?" I asked the barista, while pointing to my de rigueur "I'm a Georgia voter" lapel sticker.
"Yes, we are!" she replied, cheerily.
"Great!" I trumped her, enthusiastically, and at least three-quarters of an inch taller.
(Or in Starbucks-speak: I'm a Venti.)
"You know, my stunningly adorable lady of refinement," I added with a pleasing grin and my best "you betcha" wink, "we did vote three times each."
It didn't work.
Postscript
From "The Christian Science Monitor," Nov. 4, 2008 -- and thank you, Jesus:
Well, not so fast. Seems there are legal restrictions afoot.
Take the State of Georgia where the motto is "Wisdom, Justice and Moderation."
Requiring someone to say they voted in order to receive a free coffee - that’s a felony....
No word if an individual would get the electric chair upon conviction. But thankfully Starbucks and Krispy Kreme have modified the promotion so you aren’t required to break the law in order to get free stuff.
"To ensure we are in compliance with election law, we are extending our offer to all customers who request a tall brewed coffee," said Starbucks’ spokeswoman Tara Darrow.
Krispy Kreme? What? Huh? I missed FREE DONUTS?!!
Drat. What's ACORN's phone number?...
And then I woke up.
It was all a dream!
