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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I don't know which is worse. The cat in the litter box? Or his can of Salmon Glade?

@WH2H_Radio on our cat's Salmon Glade: "My cat likes Turkey or Chicken Febreeze. She's not a fish-lover." May I recommend the Beaks Renuzit?

Delicious for Tax Day: Dictionary.com Word of the Day: "pelf: Money; riches; gain; -- generally conveying the idea of something ill-gotten."

I've filed an extension on my taxes. I can't bend over that far by [April 15th].

Looking for a movie this weekend... Probably won't go see TYLER PERRY'S WHY DID I THINK MIKE WOULD GO SEE THIS.

Headline: "Abraham Lincoln film found in barn." America's 16th president shown divorcing Larry King.

I asked my doctor if my heart is healthy enough for sex. Apparently, the Lawn Doctor is not accredited, but he did pluck lice off my fern.

Scrabble changes rules to allow names. So, how many points is "LOSERS?"

Bought New Sneakers, $12, Walmart, Both Feet. Socks Extra. Work Forwards & Backwards. Three EZ Payments. Will Lace for Tips.

Headline: "Navy Nixes Smoking on Submarines." ... Let 'em step outside like everyone else...

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