Top 10 Reasons I, Mike Durrett, Withdrew as a Candidate for Pope

From Fox News, April 5, 2005:

Papal Qualifications
Contrary to what many people think, there are surprisingly few qualifications for someone to become pope: The cardinals can elect any baptized male to the papacy.

Top 10 Reasons I, Mike Durrett, Withdrew as a Candidate for Pope

10. Insulted that the tailor would need to "let out" my gowns -- and, "possibly, the Vatican."

9. No seersucker cassock, no seersucker sash, no seersucker skullcap for spring.

8. No seersucker, no audience with Matlock.

7. Popemobile equipped with lousy AD/BC radio.

6. My fear of myrrh.

5. I was young. That stag film, "The Passion of the 'Three's Company' Chrissy."

4. College of Cardinals' dictate I bring holy water ice cubes to the mixers.

3. Sunroof taboo in big hats.

2. My wife won't let me.

And the number one reason I withdrew as a candidate for Pope...

Spinach sucks and I hate Bluto and I thought the application said "Popeye!"