Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I like to work ahead. I'm busy prepping my post-Christmas let-down....

Headline: "3 million bees found in Miami home." Well, it is the Bingo capital of the world.

I'm always relieved at restaurants when my server says, "Enjoy your meal." Otherwise, I'm at a loss as to how to proceed.

Just in: "Dentist accused of ripping out woman's unpaid dental work." Ahh, the bridge to nowhere.

The worst part? After, he said, "Bite me."

I'm in a panic. I need a time machine set for 1978 -- and hurry! I've got a new shipment of Karl Malden nose jokes....

Headline: "Man charged after allegedly passing gas toward [police]." On what charge? Faulty fuel line? Tailquiffing? Blattery? Cop a fluffy?

Traffic headline: "Chicken Truck Fire." All ended well when nearby gravy tanker mashed potato truck.