Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

On New Year's Eve

Mike
My wife has informed me our Mickey Rourke-themed New Year's Eve Party is not going to happen. Guests are hereby released. You may bathe now.

Friend Claire
But what about all the tattoos and silver teeth I just finished getting?!?!

Mike
Well, you could still come over. We've misplaced the scratch pad and bottle opener.

On Christmas Wishes

I'm dreaming of a lottery-winning Christmas. Gotta reupholster the cats.

I did *win* 20-something bucks in a Microsoft class action suit. The check came last week. I may have to settle for spray painting the cats.

On Christmas Wishes, Too

Mike
The holiday pressure is raining down on me. Divine intervention is advised. Do I ask for a PajamaGram? Or a Christmas Snuggie?

Friend Bill
I'm sure you'd look real cute in the Snuggie!

Mike
Of course. Yes. Well, once the tailor lets it out some at the waist, legs, ankles, neck, and chins -- and if no one sees me in profile or light or without several stiff belts in 'em, maybe some Ambien and blindfolds.

On Thanks and Giving

Sis-in Law Jenifer
Oh, and thank you for our gifts. Did Donna tell you what you got us? LOL

Mike
As a matter of fact, I have an appointment with her next week to tell me what I gave to you.

On Michael Jackson

Cover of Tito Jackson

Friend Ray
Here in Atlanta, every New Year's Eve they have a party downtown.... This year's entertainment is ''Tito Jackson sings the hits of the Jackson 5.'' Tito sang on nothing the J5 did! Next year maybe they can get "Danny Bonaduce sings the hits of the Partridge Family."

Mike
Tito Fever. Catch it!

Deborah, Friend of a Friend
Is there a Jackson family member who's not trying to make money off MJ's death?

Mike
Stonewall.

Friend Ray
Mike, as I remember, you saw the Jackson Five @ Lenox. Any special memories of Tito?

Mike
I don't recall the full-Tito Jackson Five being at the Lenox Square Theatre [where I was a projectionist], but I did show "ET" to Michael Jackson when we were playing that movie. Ironically, Michael was already morphing into an extra-terrestrial. I'm glad I could provide him some cosmetic choices to peruse.

Around that time, I also saw and ran a movie for Amy Carter at the Lenox. Ironically, she was on tour singing the hits of the Jackson Five.

Friend Frank Thompson
That Amy Carter could do a mean Moonwalk.

Friend Ray
She was at the airport* singing the hits of the Hartsfield-Jackson 5.

*Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport