What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

I've just read your Playboy Data Sheet. I've learned about you at Hardee's, being Boss Bad Bob and his pal Paddlefoot, and taping bees to your head for the massaging temple larvaes and fashionable stripes. How I yearn to hear of the long walks in the rain, romantic sunrises, toffee drinks made from scratch, and the pinatas filled with meaty by-products.

Nice tie. Ringling Bros. need a barker? Or Conjugal Visit Day at the Pratt County Pen? Oh, but it looks good on you. How was the free bowl of soup?

I recognize the soup reference from "Caddyshack," but what the heck was I thinking?


Are you kidding? With my luck with girls, I couldn't even enter gynecology school.

I know what I was thinking, but what the heck was I writing?


We get a wide array of "afternoon delights" and weekend foul-mouthed drunks. It's more convenient than driving to the zoo, but there's no cotton candy.

We have a standing offer from Festus the Blue Ridge Smirking Goon to rent.
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