My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less
My wife & I made the Most Romantic Couples List! We came in behind Rihanna & Chris & just before McGruff the Crime Dog & his fleabite hives.
Just sent away for an autographed donut from Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I'd also like to do wheelies in his Security golf cart to the Tubby Gap.
I've been summoned to jury duty. Time to get out the sequined Lone Ranger mask, flannel Dora the Explorer tuxedo, and conservative snorkel.
News Item: "Kanye West wants to do bisexual porn." Gee, I guess all of us who have been boycotting him will now have to girlcot him, too.
I want one of those new 3-D Webcams, so you can see me as my fully-captured one-dimensional self.
News Item: "Deputies Deliver, Use Turkey Baster To Save Newborn" - Must've scared the stuffing out of Mom.
I go for my exciting annual physical and urine sample this morning. Anyone wanna meet for lunch? Sorry, I'll be totally out of urine.
My medical physical went swell without any actual swelling, which is always nice. There were no paparazzi, which means my career's sickly.
The best part of my physical was hearing the 2 most beautiful words in the English language: "No nodules." -- I take that back: "No charge."
I usually schedule my medical physical closer to Christmas, so, when I leave a urine sample, it's much more festive.
Twitter Birds by SpoonGraphics
