Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I've been watching '40s movies. I like them, except I catch myself calling everyone "Darling." I may be engaged to our exterminator...

My paycheck has arrived. Or, as it's known at our house, The Mail of Tears.

I opened my pay envelope and heard crickets.

I read women are attracted to men w/a sense of humor. Not my wife. She's consumed by a sense of hummus. We have a pita bread subscription...

Welcoming my 3000th Follower on Twitter, although 2943 of them are phantasms.

Douglas Adams: "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Nuh uh, not me. I turn up the TV.

Just in: "Weather Channel Is Sold to NBC," which means they'll only be reporting the weather for the blue states.

Ah, July 4th, when contemporary Americans celebrate their freedom to vote away more of that freedom this November. Congratulations, idiots!

Just in: "Christie Brinkley divorce trial continues with shocking testimony." Do NOT ask me about my wearing sunglasses and the floppy hat.

Watermelon has Viagra-like benefits. If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, contact your farmhand.