And the Winner Is ... Me!

Select theatres are presenting the nominees for this year's top Academy Award in an all-day "Best Pictures Showcase" (formerly "No Continence for Old Men Whiz-bang").

  • "Michael Clayton" - 11:00 a.m.
  • "There Will Be Blood" - 1:20 p.m.
  • "Atonement" - 4:20 p.m.
  • "Juno" - 7:00 p.m.
  • "No Country for Old Men" - 9:00 p.m.

The admission price of the event is $30, which includes bottomless popcorn refills. All five films will be shown back-to-back in the same auditorium. Annoying patrons are urged to pace themselves, spreading that vital chitchat and ringtones regalia throughout the morn-to-midnight features.

Enduring five motion pictures in one session is fun. I've done it numerous times, but the closest venue presenting this package is approximately 75 miles from my flat screen TV and snack bar, now serving broccoli.

I didn't say it was a popular snack bar.

I don't mind the broccoli, really, because by not eating it, I save paying those exorbitant movie snack prices to myself, thieving highway robber that I am. That'll teach me.

Frankly, I'd rather watch these movies in my living room for less money, better *projection*, fewer distractions, warmer toes, and the exclusive portable kitty space heater on my lap.

Plus, there's far less salt. That unlimited popcorn deal at the multiplex would kill me. I have no resistance. My body would be cured like pork by the end of "There Will Be Blood Pressure."

I think we'll wait for the DVDs.

Besides, at home, the gum under our chairs is chewier.
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