Sexual Hee-Healing

I reviewed Funny Condoms over at About today. Fortunately, my research was consummated entirely online, not requiring the usual tongs and dry ice compresses of the real world.

''Hi, Honey, I'm home! Is it Karaoke Night?''

According to the Funny Condoms Web site, they sell actual rubber bedroom products in the shapes of animals and zany figures. Why anyone would want to resort to such foolishness in the bedroom is beyond me, but, then again, I am a master and commander of traditionalist boudoir puppet shows.

I cover the details of the novelty merchandise in the profile (linked below). I direct your attention to the disclaimer stickers the manufacturer claims to place on its various condom packaging.

"Not intended for use in preventing pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Not to be used as a substitute for a condom."

They left out "Females not included."

That's what I want for the prevention of babies and disease, a contraceptive which guarantees nothing.

So, do we wear the additional stunt condom over or beneath the Hippopotamus condom? I'm concerned about safe sex AND fashion.

"Warranty: 24 months."

Hey, I've got Burt Bacharach tickets for May, 2005. And I'm gonna need time for a shower.

Twenty-four months? C'mon. Even I'm not that swanky.

Besides, we'd run out of Bugles and squirt cheese.

::::: Go: Funny Condoms Review and Photographs