Confessions of a Dangerous Mike

I've been holding back this story. For its duration, I'm changing my name to Cooper Huckabee to protect my identity.

I've borrowed the name from Cooper Huckabee, an actor in "The Pom Pom Girls" (1976). In that film, he plays Hardin Tough. I considered using "Hardin Tough" myself, but he already used it. And I thought it was silly.

I'm stalling. Here's my true tale:

Sixth grade....

On the school bus to home, I, Cooper Huckabee, stuck a cylindrical cattail flower up my nose....

It went too far, deep, deep, darkest deep inside the nostril cavity and I couldn't fetch it....

Mr. Huckabee takes time from his evening meal at a busy restaurant to revisit that disturbing day. His mother would be so proud. Winter lingers its gloom, thus no cattails are available. A flourescent Hi-Liter marks the spot in this graphic SIMULATION.

It moved under my eye....

I thought it was coming out my ear....

I tried inhaling, exhaling, again and again. It was like cleaning a musket.

But, hey, I got more laughs than the kid making duck noises.

We're hoping to get Nicole Kidman for the movie. Ernie Borgnine for the cattail. And a tie-in with Denny's.

Trust me. I should stop here.

Huckabee out!