Back to the Torture

The Brain Trust (I like that phrase because it has as many syllables as "Boneheads") at my Internet Service Provider decided to do a daylight maintenance upgrade Monday without alerting their customers in advance. So, as the fiasco evolved, I lost a day's work online, including some totally marvelous new comedy material (Oh, it was the niftiest hilarity one might ever hope to frolic hither amongst! Imagine laughter and lilacs!).

Plus, I lost major chunks of my temper.

It seems my DSL modem was fine at 6:10 p.m. Forever obsolete at 6:11. All without warning.

After hours of trying this and that and conferring with Technical Support, I managed to get online via an old-fashioned and less than quaint dial-up connection.

Zzzzzzzzzz and grrrrrrrrrr...

At the moment, I'm surfing at a sizzling 26.4 Kbps. I could knit a Web page faster than they appear.

It's the freakin' Stone Age.

Hey, I'd better quit writing before my blood pressure soars over 100 Mbps.

Besides, I need to get back to the instant message chat I'm having with Betty Rubble.

She's actually pretty fast texting with that mallet and chisel.

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By the Way...

Isn't that how Karl Rove got his start?

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Talk Is Chimp

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Separated at Birth 32

Robert Novak and Tim Moore

100 Things About Me #52

Lawn Order

My wife complains I never do yard work, but that's not true.

Every other week, weather permitting, I go outside and trim my fingernails.

And, at the first chirp of spring, I'm in the hammock clipping my toes.

Sheesh.

Women.


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100 Things About Me #51

Humans Can Be Such Pigs

"To Kill a Mockingbird" changed my mind about prejudice. Who knew wearing a ham suit in public is not a fashion faux pas?


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100 Things About Me #50

The Kid Is All Write

My writing has become easier and faster, thanks to the computer.

Before that, I used a manual typewriter.

Before that, SCRABBLE tiles.

But only on manuscripts 400,000 points or less.


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Speaking of Unmentionables

Overheard Among Friends

Somehow, I found myself entering mysterious territory.

Actual conversation:

Allen: I dated a Mormon for years.

Mike: That's right. I remember.

Allen: I know lots of Mormon trivia.

Mike: Really?

Allen: Yeah. Did you know that Mormons have special underwear?

Mike: What? There's another hole?

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