Make a Little Boy Happy on Christmas Morn

I have updated, spellchecked, published, notarized, and genuflected my eagerly anticipated Humor Boy's Wish List, just in time for fruitcake.

Let me make one thing clear. I don't need no stinkin' fruitcake. I was only being seasonal and suck-upingly polite. Gifts are at stake here, people.

You can see the Top 10 wants with capsule descriptions over on About.com -- or simply cut to the chase and buy my gifts at the handy Amazon.com shopping links I've posted here to make your life easier. Do I have to operate the mouse clicker for you, too? Move it!

Not only will I receive a wonderful goody from you, but I'll get my sales commission as an Amazon affiliate, too. It's a win-win gimme!

And isn't that the true meaning of Christmas?

I know there are more than 10 items displayed to the right, but I don't subscribe to you Earthlings' conventions.

A couple of the products, the Bob and Ray CDs and the Laurel and Hardy biography, are holdovers from my previous Wish List. No one purchased them for me.

Ever.

Can you imagine such a thing?

I have.

And it is hell.

Evil incarnate. It shares a bunk with Howie Mandel's soul patch.

Sometimes the available gift items may not display properly on this page due to a snafu with the computers at Amazon. You might see generic Amazon ads at those moments, rather than the individual products on my Wish List. Try reloading this page to see my actual desires or simply make out a check to "CASH" and send it to me with shipping and handling included, of course. I'll reload the page and buy one of the items, saving you the trouble, kind sir and/or madam. It's the least I can do.

Belated presents will be accepted, but don't linger. I become pouty.

If you don't see anything you'd like to buy me, I could always use a gift certificate to Bed, Bath & Beyoncé.