Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions:

A Butterball® Turkey makes an attractive ottoman!

I will be in the ATL. I prefer to stay just on the outside so I can point and giggle.

We have mowers, but I used the Weedwacker. It's funnier.

Ann-Margret's name in VIVA LAS VEGAS is Rusty.

Don't you dare believe it.

I'm getting too old for The Ann-Margret Sex Kitten Dance. Oh, I'm hot, but it hurts so bad. And not the good kind of bad.

[I'm] tub soaking in Blue Poppy Sprain Ointment.

"This ointment was created by Zhou Guo-jun et al. at the Guanzhou Qian Southeast Autonomous Region Chinese Medical Hospital."

So, they couldn't include a snorkel?

[I'm] watching that giant octopus thriller, IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA. I'm facing my deadly fear of suction cups.

Oh oh. I was afraid of this. I survived the movie, but my intense fear has spread. Now I'm scared of hickeys.

In remembrance of Elvis' passing, I was going to spend the day showboating karate moves. Instead, I may put ants in my pants. I'm lazy.

...By the way, the pants ants didn't produce convincing karate moves. I've switched over to live bees.

If I have a protuberance lasting longer than four hours, I'll call my apiculturist.