My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less
I can't get no satisfaction. ... I am also having trouble procuring Atomic Fireballs with Unguentine and Chunky Ranch Prell.
I feel worthwhile. I stopped the car, got out & physically carried a box turtle across the road. I hope he was flattered not to be flattened.
I'm tired of folding underwear. Why we can't play poker with chips is beyond me.
School starts on Aug. 3? We never returned before Labor Day. These kids today with their tight pants, wild hairdos and early schools!
News Item: "400-year-old mummified cat found in walls of cottage." O my god! This can mean only one thing. BEWARE: The Invisible Litter Box!
Sadly, I'm losing my hip. The Disney Channel is advertising a "brand new ZEKE & LUTHER." I haven't even seen the brand old ZEKE & LUTHERs.
Finished my bi-decadal weedwacking. New nemesis on the lawn: pine forest.
My bottle of Pert Plus tells me "YOU'RE GORGEOUS" this morning. Sure, it is a comedown, but I am starting to sag.
Without trying, I've lost 4 pounds since giving up milk. Now I'm giving up Circus Peanuts, Parcheesi tokens, and Mugwumps. Call me "Tiny."
[Mike Durrett] is glad to be done with his massive Hell Week so he can resume his important life's work: Cursing traffic and Walmart together on the fives.
Twitter Birds by SpoonGraphics
