"NG KO?" I asked out loud. "We're seeing 'NG KO?'"
Donna elbowed me in the ribs, pointing off to the perpendicular left. I turned my head around to look.
"KING KO?" I asked out loud. "We're seeing a copy center commercial?"
Donna elbowed me in the ribs, suddenly a bit tender for some reason. She pointed off to our perpendicular right. I turned my head around to look.
"KING KONG?" I asked out loud. "We're seeing 'KING KONG?' Shouldn't that read "PING PONG?' Why do I feel like I'm at Wimbledon?"
We spent the next three hours moving our eyes and heads in frantic desperation to follow the action. We were like cats watching a hyper moth, up, down, and all around.
I must say, sitting too close to the fuzzy, out-of-focus film, I observed several items I might not have otherwise noticed.
1. In the 1930s, during The Great Depression, many poor people wore expensive, not-yet-invented contact lenses.
2. Jack Black has a close-up with a goo bubble visible in his nostril. Considering the film's $200 million budget, I couldn't determine if it was real or computer-generated.
3. 25-foot tall apes have mites the size of the head of Wink Martindale.
4. Kong is not anatomically correct. He has no penis. Nothing. Not even a stack of IHOP Harvest Grain 'N Nut® Pancakes. Hearty grains, wholesome oats, almonds and English walnuts with your choice of cool strawberry, warm blueberry or warm cinnamon-apple topping and whipped topping, plus the Never Empty Coffee Pot®. Nothing.
The sound was excellent. I heard vivid roars and screams. But, those might have been in-the-dark shenanigans with Security's electric wand.
At the end of the night, "King Kong" appeared to be a remarkable film.
I wish I had seen it.
Unfortunately, our hosts had ruined what should have been a wonderful moviegoing experience.
It was beasts that killed the beauty.
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