Almost Beautiful

Well, enough moaning and delay, I'm simply going to suck it up and tell you.

Those most insane people at "People" magazine have released their "Most Beautiful People 2007" list and I did not make the top 100.

I realize their assessments are nothing more than a contrived ploy to sell product, but still, I floss every six or 35 months when I visit my dentist, and I have been known to use sunscreen, the same as Reese Witherspoon, who made the list of cutes.

Ageism, I curse thee!

The publication won't confirm or deny, but I understand, according to my mole (left side, under love handle #9 of song fame), the raw data shows I do appear elsewhere in the "Beautiful People" research.

I came in just below Gilbert Gottfried with a flaky dreadlock wig, gassy drunken rage, and nervous eye tic -- and a notch above the stretch-marked tattoo of hippie-fancier Billy Jack carved into Hell's Angel motorcycle mama Lurlene X during an ill-advised Tainted Clambake and Rum Jollity.

Thanks to all who voted and basked.
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