Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Correspondence Folders
Great! But I won't be dancing in your wedding. I'll be in the lobby selling T-shirts and watered-down Cokes.
Thanks. Can I come sleep under the pastry rack?
If you're going to be me, you'll have to stop eating meat immediately and go to a Walmart thrice per week to become suitably annoyed.
Thanks for the info. The maintenance appears to be clerical, not technical. I'll be out hopping with bunnies anyway.
Can he get me Ann B. Davis' autograph? Maybe her oatmeal cookie recipe?
No. I am a grown man. I wept and crawled into a ball under the table.