In Case You Came in Late...

I am better now, but a mean head and chest cold took up residence the day after Christmas.

Strep throat and fever gave me a violent reaction: hives in the shape of Charles Bronson.

My ears have been slow to return to clarity. I would estimate I heard 20% of normal levels due to the muffled sludge loitering in the auditory canals.

The good news is Rosie O'Donnell was filtered and I only heard the tender cacophony of a rabid nostril-flamed ogress gnashing a cuddlesome marmoset.

Ahh, heartening respite.

My annual medical physical occurred during the darkest slump, too, and it was good.

There was a bit of a scare with the appearance of unidentified spots on my chest x-ray. The doc said the marks were most likely due to me being "slightly off-center." I punched him slightly right onto the cookie jar of tongue depressors.

He turned. He wanted to fight. He took the glove off.

Days (and a restorative bopped nose splint) later, I underwent a special CT exam and celebrity photo shoot at the hospital imaging center.

My weakened condition caused difficulties when I tried to gulp in a deep breath and hold it during the snapping of the x-rays, let alone make my lungs say "Cheese!"

The lungs proved to be textbook normal, thank goodness, yet my raw throat and increased fiery swallow pain revealed I was in a period of epiglottal warming.

The CT procedure totaled $1100 in out of pocket expenses, marring the fun.

I was forced to pay all costs because our insurance deductible hadn't yet been met, however my next debilitating indignity is FREE!
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