Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

Top 10 Reasons My Life Should Be Rated "G"

10. Urologist always hums "It's a Small World."

9. Favorite Internet porn site: ziggy.com

8. Favorite drag queen: Mary Poppins Fresh Doughboy

7. Mr. Disney requested I not wear a bikini.

6. Allowed to watch only cartoons, and then only "Scooby-Don't."

5. Baby teeth grew in AFTER my adult teeth.

4. We wrote our nuptials in Alpha Bits, making "I DO" with a pair of zeroes.

3. Hip tattoo is Welch's Grape Juice.

2. Belly ring matches the one in my tub.

And the number one reason my life should be rated "G":

Mating dance is Shake'n Bake. And I helped.

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