Evian Bird Pandowdy

I'll be the first to admit I haven't followed the news recently, but every time I pass a television or radio, someone is harping on about an Evian Bird Pandowdy this or an Evian Bird Pandowdy that.

An Evian Bird Pandowdy must be the new trendy thing or something, because I heard millions of people could be affected, and soon. Well, happy holidays to them, too.

An Evian Bird Pandowdy might be looming as the be all and end all, but, me, I'm an early adopter. I ate that stuff for years. Here's Nana's recipe.

Enjoy!

Evian Bird Pandowdy

1 single pie crust dough
6 cups peeled, cored, & sliced chicken (about 1 medium-sized)
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
5 tablespoons butter, melted
24 bottles Evian water

Preheat oven to 350°F. Heavily butter an 9" x 13" baking dish.

Roll the dough out 1/4" thick, cut into pieces.

Spread chicken evenly in the baking dish. Drizzle with maple syrup.

Combine brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. Sprinkle on top of the chicken.

Lay the pastry strips over the chicken. Brush with the butter. Bake 30 minutes, or longer if "Young and the Restless" is on.

Remove from oven and stir the crust into the pie. Bake 30 minutes more or until chicken is soft and the crust is golden brown.

Serve with light whipping cream and chitlin gravy.

Wash it down with lots of cool, thirst-quenching Evian water in the attractive plastic bottles. Available at your grocer's counter.

Filed under: Mike Durrett, confidential, recipes, satire, random, current affairs, humor, humour, fun, funny, jokes, comedy

Dessert? How about a nice Apple Pandowdy recipe?

Superman Meets Jerry!

Mike Meets SuperJew!
  

Since "The Adventures of Jerry Lewis" comic book series was produced by DC Comics, there were occasional editions with the publisher's superheroes, like Batman, crossing over for guest appearances. Jerry was such an important celebrity that he could even host the big guy, Superman.

Seeing the cover again brings back memories. Jerry Lewis often jokingly referred to himself in the real world as "SuperJew." This knowledge would play into my first new friendship upon entering high school.

Although I haven't been in contact with my pal, Gary, in more than 35 years, I do remember that first morning in 8th grade homeroom. We arrived, having been promoted from separate elementary schools. Due to alphabetizing, we sat next to each other. We hit it off immediately. Moments later, we knew we were in trouble.

Gary and I had set our eyes and dreams on the coveted title of "Class Clown." We were obvious cut-ups and contenders. So much so, I soon found myself preparing gags to *ad-lib* in homeroom each day. Wednesdays were the best because I could repeat Red Skelton's TV monologue from the previous evening. Gary worked hard to top me and vice versa.

After several months, in a move I calculated to be designed to remove me from my quest for mayhem master, Gary took me aside and asked if I'd like to be his writer. He wanted me to script his morning center-of-attention material.

I declined to retire from my performance career, when, after all, I was doing so well, but I did enter into a collaboration on some special material for him.

Once, I mentioned Lewis' "SuperJew" remarks and Gary, being Jewish himself, fell into deep, deep love with expanding the concept. He assumed the role of SuperJew on campus.

We never developed a full routine because he changed schools and we lost touch, but I do remember his introduction. Those words have run through my head hundreds of times in the intervening decades.

"Faster than a speeding matzoh ball. ... More powerful than a bowl of chicken soup. ... Able to leap tall yarmulkes in a single bound. ... Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a-- oy vay! It's SuperJew!"

That piece killed in 1966! The kids loved it. Today, Gary and I would be sent to sensitivity counseling and do community service, lugging a litter can and a broom handle with a nail in it.

We'd probably entertain ourselves by crooning "Ebony and Ivory" -- special lyrics, of course....

"SuperJew and Methodist work together in clean-up harmony,
Side by side in our custodial suits..."

Oh, Lord, why don't we?

Filed under: Mike Durrett, confidential, Superman, life, random, comic books, humor, humour, fun, Jerry Lewis, jokes, comedy

Cover via The Grand Comics Database Project

The Dynamic Duo Face Their Daffiest Peril!

Peachy Keen, Batman, Person, Man
  

I've been a middling fan of Batman over the years. As an adolescent, I followed the tongue-in-cheek Adam West TV series during its first season. I saw the Tim Burton and Michael Keaton film and the sequel with Danny DeVito as The Penguin. Those were more than enough until this summer's "Batman Begins," which I thoroughly enjoyed.

So, what's my favorite Caped Crusader adventure?

Easy...

Related: The Adventures of Jerry Lewis and Maynard G. Krebs | Top One Pair of High Tech Improvements for Next Batman Sequel | Top One Memo to Morgan Freeman Fans | Top One Blooper Spotted in "Batman Begins: The IMAX Experience" | Top One Missed Opportunity in "Batman Begins" | Top One Jerry Lewis Telethon Moment

Filed under: Mike Durrett, confidential, Batman, life, random, comic books, humor, humour, fun, Jerry Lewis, jokes, comedy

Detailing Tailgaters

Subject: Disheveled Pontiacs
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005
From: Bob Walker
To: Mike Durrett
  

An actual letter from an actual reader:

Your tailgater description really struck a nerve with me. My neighbor Dave and I went to a Chiefs football game about seven or eight years ago. We cooked out in a rainstorm. My beer-laden Chiefs red makeup drooled into my salmonella-infested breast of chicken.

We were all adorned in our get up and accosted by the Chiefs' owner as we walked into the game. He shook his head as he shook our hands.

A driving lightning storm was appoaching. The game was delayed whilst the lightning was flashing right over the Arrowhead or Airhead stadium. I walked down into the concession area and enjoyed my stupor with wall-to-wall fans.

We won the game. Dave and I stumbled back to the car. All of Dave's Chiefs flags were stolen. Our grill was gone. Lucky for me, I clandestinely stashed our cooler of beer in the bowels of the back seat.

Vagabond hooligans (we found out later) were always stealing their ill-begotten booty from the parking area. ... Somewhere in K.C. there's a goon with about 25 Webber grills. Luckily, we were able to save our sacks of Ole Diz Briquets.

Thanks for writing -- and for sparing us the details of what's stashed in the ear canals of the front seat. You know, Chevron has a vacuum cleaner out by the curb.

So, what do you want from us? A kiss to make it feel better? A tip of the Hatlo hat? What if we let you sit in Subway Jared's old pants and have a powwow with banana peppers?

You kids and your Sterno fumes.

Mike
At the Help Desk

Filed under Mike Durrett, confidential, football, sports, amusement, emails, humor, humour, fun, funny, jokes, comedy, tailgaters, life, Help Desk

100 Things About Me

  #35: The Buzz  


I was attacked by a Drag Queen Bee.

It didn't really sting. It was more like a posh hissy fit.

#1 | Previous | Next

Filed under Mike Durrett, confidential, stuff, Weblog, amusement, personal, weird, humor, humour, fun, funny, jokes, comedy, 100 Things, life, random, whatever

CINERAMA Holiday

I'm fanatical about CINERAMA, the gigantic, deep-curved movie format of the '50s and '60s. I believe when I die, there will be 17 mint prints of "How the West Was Won" waiting for me in Heaven.

At last count, only three theatres on Earth remain equipped with the special machines necessary to project the films properly. In America, presentations of CINERAMA are rare, so I was delighted to share some news with my wife. Here's the actual email conversation.

From: Mike Durrett
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2005 1:34 PM
To: Donna Durrett
Subject: HTWWW

From my friend, Rich, in L.A....

HOW THE WEST WAS WON, presented in the original 3 strip Cinerama process is coming to ArcLight Cinemas Hollywood at the Cinerama Dome for an exclusive one week engagement beginning Friday October 28, 2005. There will be two performances daily...

Donna wrote:

Do you want to go to LA to see this?

My response:

That would be cool, but probably not cost effective.

But, then again, Agnes Moorehead ogling Karl Malden's 30-foot nose. Hmmm....

Filed under Mike Durrett, confidential, Cinerama, movies, amusement, personal, actual conversations, humor, humour, fun, funny, emails, comedy, theatres, life, hollywood, whatever

Good to the Last Drop to the Sofa

Overheard Inside My Head
  

I had an adverse reaction to prescribed medicine. My side effects included dizziness and shortness of breath.

The other evening, I felt lightheaded while preparing to brew a cup of java. I was compelled to sit down to rest before I could finish the simple task.

An actual conversation with myself:

Mike: Oh, great. My doctor will say that's my body telling me to quit drinking coffee.

You're S****ing Me

or: Trickle Treats
or: Happy Hurloween
or: Blue Moon
or: The Boy Who Cried "WOOOOOOOFFF!"
or: Me and My Shallow
or: Don't Forget to Wipe Your Eats

"The Halloween costume for the kid with low self-esteem," says a Randy of the Internet, in a message circulating via email.

News Flush: Find the Toilet Costume at Oriental Trading. Can you handle it?