And How Is Your Day?

I'm sitting here, minding my own business, and -- PING! -- I've got mail.

A Bob Walker of Wichita, Kansas writes: "May a weird construction worker dip Sacrete on your parakeet."

To which, always one with the hipster references, I reply: "May Ben Vereen tap dance on your Sizzlean."

To which, Bob replies: "Alrighty then ... May a day old bread truck back-fire mold on your sister."

To which, I reply: "May a leper waiter leave his thumb in your soup."

To which, Bob replies: "May a weird pirate leave a peg-leg in your chicken bucket."

To which, I reply: "May Paris Hilton eat your pillow mint."

To which, Bob replies: "May Michael Jackson snort your sitz bath."

To which, I reply: "May Michael Jackson dangle his baby over your lunch."

To which, Bob replies: "May Pee-wee Herman refreshen your [mayo] jar."

To which, I reply: "May Pee-Wee Herman dance the 'Tequila' on your worm."

To which, Bob replies: "May Barney the Dinosaur leave an unwanted relic on your teeter-totter."

To which, I reply: "May the ghost of Ed Norton plunge your grandmother."