What "Family Guy" Character Are You?

What the Deuce?

I woke up this morning wondering what character on "Family Guy" I most resemble in the personality department -- and in my limited animation. (I seldom show my feet and I favor appearances before repetitious, one-dimensional backgrounds.)

I found a "Family Guy" quiz on the Internet and answered all of their pesky interrogatories.

My Results:

"Who the hell do you think you are? Ah, you're STEWIE. You have an intellect greater than most of your peers, but much of it is squandered on bizarre obsessions. You demand much from those around you and hide a deep, dark secret."

Oh, my goodness! This is the most marvelous moment of my life. I'm Stewie. I'm STEWIE!

At last, someone understands me. I am just like him. I toddle around the house. I have issues with that woman who resides here. And I like to be pampered.

Indeed, my intellect is greater than most of my peers. Few of them understand why Joe Besser made a better Stinky than a Stooge. Back to your beer vomits, boys.

What's this "bizarre obsessions" charge? I need to know. The only obsession I have concerns my career and it is decidedly non-bizarre. Writing is hard. There are days I want to change occupations. Those are the days I roll a Wal-Mart greeter and dress me up in the happy face vest.

Ten minutes of that and I'm back minding my p's and q's, assorted vowels, the occasional ampersand, and 24 words per nap intermission.

Perhaps, I am a smidgen demanding. I couldn't say. Now, where are my personal pedicurist-slash-soap-bar-whittler and the souffle fluffer? Those two shall be docked! They'd better be procuring circular, flat, mucilaginous fruit of the dwarf mallow, if they know what's good for them.

It is also puzzling to imply I "hide a deep, dark secret." Nothing is further from the truth. So what if I still drink from a baby's milk bottle?

Stewie drinks from a milk bottle. He's cool. Me, too. I'm hip. My milk bottle has a nipple ring.