100 Things About Me #131

Continued From: "100 Things About Me #130," part of the "Back to School" sequence

And Now, for All You Youngsters, Right Here on Our Stage...
At the Fernbank Elementary open house, I revisited the site of my greatest bits -- live on stage in the cafetorium, ladies and gentlemen.

When I was 12, I performed two shows as Ed Sullivan on these boards, bringing entertainment to every student and teacher fighting in the trenches.

I wore a coat and tie and I was about as funny as Ed and I got about as many chicks as Ed. It was a really big "shoot."

Those appearances were more than a year after my triumph as the mixed-up elf in the rousing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" extravaganza during the sixth grade Christmas pageant, mentioned previously ("100 Things About Me #89").

Bob Hope was in the Far East with his USO troupe, so I was the closest thing our school had to Miss USA, 1963, Michele Metrinko.

And I mean that because, grotesquely defaced under rosy cheeks cosmetics, I was forced to wear stretch tights for the song and sway, all against my will and child cruelty statutes.

Plus, my feet were doomed into pointy slippers. I had to be careful. I could've poked someone's thigh out.

How embarrassing, pointy shoes with jingly toes, prancing hither. I couldn't remember the choreography. I hopped and skipped with a limp and a thrash. I sounded like Tinkerbell shuttlecocked by Liberace.

I believe it was at that moment history coined the word "precious."

I did not own any tights, so a classmate offered me a pair. I liked the girl, but I had to be sweet-talked into her pants--


Maybe I should revive the act....

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The "Back to School" thread continues with "Boys Will Be Boys: 100 Things About Me #137."
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