Mike Durrett: CONFIDENTIAL

"King" Wrong

A drive-in theatre I frequent is showing "King Kong" on one screen. The movie clocks in at three hours and seven minutes. Unfortunately, the projection system in use cannot accommodate programs of that length without interrupting the presentation for a few minutes while the only machine is reloaded with the excess footage.

The drive-in plays "King Kong" twice each night at 7:15 and 10:35, but their Web site also lists "8:50" and "12:10." They've published the starting times for their arbitrary Part Two of the movie, which shouldn't be advertised. Failing to note any explanation of such times, unsuspecting customers could arrive in the middle of "Kong" anticipating they'll see the epic from the beginning. Nope, at 90 minutes into the picture, they'll find themselves well underway amidst the Skull Island terrors, headed into the New York City conclusion.

Since the drive-in has now established itself to be a provider of esoteric showtimes, I've considered making a phone call for some specialized information....

Voice: Good evening, Drive-In.

Mike: Hi, uh, do you have that new Jim Carrey movie?

Voice: Yessir, "Fun With Dick and Jane" is on a double feature with "Cheaper by the Dozen 2."

Mike: Oh, good. Been wanting to see those. Listen, we don't much care about Jane. When should we come for Dick? We only want to have "Fun with Dick."

Voice: (silence)

Mike: And, later, during ''Cheaper by the Dozen 2,'' we'll be going for snacks and to the restroom, you know. Maybe some necking. What are the screen times for Children #3, #7, and #12? I gotta tell ya, numbers 11, 8, and 6 sucked in that first one....

2 comments:

Unknown said...

That would completely suck! Did you ever actually say anything to these people?

Mike Durrett said...

No, I was *fortunate* to have "King Kong" ruined for me elsewhere.

(New visitors may be interested in the five-part account of that contemptible event, starting with "Giant Monkey Movies Gone Wild!")

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