100 Things About Me #118

Candy Camera

I shared a photo of me in my bunny suit in the two-part sequence, "Bunny Cam" and "Bunny Cam Pioneer." Here are several additional shots from that pictorial session.

I wasn't a "Playboy" Bunny. I was more of a Play Bunny Boy.

There's quite a difference. Basically, no cleavage and no drooling old guy in silk pj's.

I was three years old, modeling my very first store-bought Halloween costume. I can't imagine we shoplifted this thing.

I wouldn't be surprised, however, if we shop-unlifted it the next morning.

I am pleased to observe I was bright enough to remove the hanger.

Those ears are alert, aren't they? I'm listening for the rustling of free NECCO Wafers and defenseless Pixy Stix.

I look like what Tonto sees, chewing peyote.

The previous October 31st was my first trick-or-treat candy tour -- on foot, anyway. I confessed about that experience in a 2002 interrogation, "Halloween Shockers: Ask Humor Boy," on About.com.

Do you dress up for Halloween?

Sometimes. I go as everybody's favorite movie character: Man #3.

If so, describe your best Halloween costume.

My best was probably my first. I was tiny, two-and-a-half, and Mom cut eyeholes into a pillowcase.

I went as a pillowcase with eyeholes.

I can still fit into it, too, but I haven't worn it since our wedding.

My wife, by the way, thinks these rabbit photographs are "precious" with an exclamation point. She gets so tickled whenever they pop up during our album perusals, "Cops," or "A Current Affair."

She's had many big laughs at my expense over the crouching shown here. I was just a little kid. I crouched. (Self taught.)

She thought I was cramping or something, but, no, I'm a bunny. I'm hopping. That's how I hop. Crouch and hop. BOING, up I go!

I was doing this years before NASA.


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Separated at Birth: Frankenstein's Monster and...

Jerry Lewis

Separated at Dawn: Nosferatu and...

Britney Spears

Separated at Birth: The Wolf Man and...

Judge Andrew Napolitano

You Must Be This Tall to Mangle

And Now This Message of Utmost Urgency

One Night Only
October 31
Live (alleged) on Laps
Beware! Or Be Square!

^{Reception and Complimentary Tender Vittles Piñata Immediately Following the Purring! The Purring!}

Sticky Situation

Continued From: "Star Sighting," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"

"Local Honey, that's not exactly what I was looking for," I said, pointing to the sign. "I picked up a Loco Honey here last year."

"Oh, you did. Did you?" inquired Donna.

"Yeah, remember when I brought the car around for you at the gate?"

Good thing I purchased a bottle of honey. It came in handy for my Loco Hubby overnight at the Waffle House.

*sigh*

Battered and baked again.


Continued: "Those People Are So Hay"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Star Sighting

Continued From: "Spelling Tee," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"



At first, I was skeptical.


But, then I knew.


It was the real R2-D2.

Continued: "Sticky Situation"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Spelling Tee

Continued From "Welcome to North Georgia," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"

"My grandpa took me to the festival and all I got was this big ass mistake souvenir t-shirt."

Continued: "Star Sighting"
Also: "Fall Festivals O' Fun" - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Welcome to North Georgia

Continued From "Let's Go, Ladies, a One, a Two...," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"

Continued: "Spelling Tee"
Also: "Fall Festivals O' Fun" - 2005 Gallery #1-8 | "Dueling Banjos Redux"

Let's Go, Ladies, a One, a Two...

Continued From "Another Dream Served," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"



I lingered outside of these dressing rooms, waiting for synchronized, bedazzled leggy showgirls to step out in ravish-me pumps for a high kicker production number that never happened.

A nice man strolled by and said for only five dollars I could opt for the surprise behind Door #8.

I offered my regrets, but I had to go find a restroom....


Continued: "Welcome to North Georgia"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Another Dream Served

Continued From "Star Sighting," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"


My actor friend, William Colquitt, has long wanted to shoot a picture with Owen Wilson.


Making miracles happen. It's what I do.


Continued: "Let's Go, Ladies, a One, A Two..."
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Star Sighting

Continued From: "Star Stalking," part of a sequence beginning with "Fall Festivals O' Fun"


At first, I was skeptical.


But, then I knew.


It was the real Owen Wilson.

Continued: "Another Dream Served"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8
^{Paparazzi photos by Bill Jackson (top) and Donna Durrett}

Star Stalking

Continued From: "Fall Festivals O' Fun"

"Might I have a moment with The Original GutterGuardian? I'd like to get him to sign my autograph book, please.

"Oh, he's not here? Hmm.

"Must be his weekend to work Security at Diddy's crib...."

Continued: "Star Sighting"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8

Fall Festivals O' Fun

"So, let's make sure I've got this straight. If we win the raffle, the kid is free. We won't have to pay for any of that food or togs or medical exams or college tuition stuff?

"That adds up. Indeed, it does. Indeed, it do.

"What about bedding? Sneakers with blinky lights? Free? Totally free? No expense to us, whatsoever? Ever?

"The child is free.

"Wow.

"Horsey head on a broomstick? Piano lessons? NERF Balls by Parker Brothers? What about NERF Balls? Are the NERF Balls free?..."

Continued: "Star Stalking"
Also: Fall Festivals O' Fun - 2005 Gallery #1-8
^{Thanks to William Colquitt}

Make Your Own Jokes

^{[via Ironic Sans]}

Michael Moore's Frisco

100 Things About Me #117

Fame on Highway 280

People often ask if I'd like to see my name in lights. The answer is I already have, back in man's golden broadcasting era.

One morning at 5:58, as usual, I screeched the car onto the radio station lot to go do the wake-up show. To my surprise, the bright fluorescent billboard sign on the busy four-lane's curb displayed:

MIKE DURRETT
6-9 AM
FUNNIER THAN RUTH KENT

This particular signage was a prank meant to amuse me and it did. I overshot the parking space and trenched tire marks into the lawn, laughing myself awake.

Ms. Kent was a mostly forgotten Atlanta TV host of the '50s and '60s, whose smarmy, numbing chatter on her "Today in Georgia" program ran the gamut between fast-breaking fritter recipes and aging debutante belles on grits.

So, I did indeed see my name in lights. What I yearn to see is my name in crackers.



100 Things: #1 | Previous | Next

Triple Trippy

"Mr. Bean's Holiday" (2007) -- Folks seem to love or loathe Rowan Atkinson's strange slapstick schlemiel, but how can anyone not admire a man willing to fully insert his head inside a turkey, as seen on "Mr. Bean" TV?

There are no birdy beanies to be observed in this European vacation, but enough amusing sequences and brilliance exist to make it all worthwhile. Enjoy the treat, then fully insert yourself into a brimming bathtub of warm Savory Herb Turkey Stuffing.

That's what I did. I am not a hat person.

"3:10 to Yuma" (1957) -- Preparing for the flashy Christian Bale-Russell Crowe remake, we viewed the original Glenn Ford-Van Heflin western. I liked it a lot. The underrated Cow #43 and Horse With a Hoof Pebble were never better and went on to become Columbia Pictures mogul Harry Cohn's lunch.

The film's jaw-dropping conclusion befuddles me, because it is insanely unbelievable and a letdown after all of the senseless misery the people suffer through. Kinda like Britney Spear's career.

"3:10 to Yuma" (2007) -- I nearly watched this wide, panoramic spaghetti western homage con carnage in a theatre cursed for its too narrow movie screens. A friend told me he saw their cropped presentation with the resulting title shown as ":10 to Yum."

That image would drive me crazy. I wouldn't be able to keep my mind on the picture.

:10 to yum is exactly how far I live from the nearest milkshake.

"Cats 300"

Our kitty cinephile highly recommends today's epic adventure motion picture, "Cats 300." Morty bestowed four paws up!

That's when he rolled backwards off of the couch.


^{"Cats 300" won't play? Try here.}

The Blended O

Now we're talking.

Smooches AND a Smoothie!

Life in the Cast Lanes

Drat.

I missed the Klingons vs. Furries bowling duel.

It's tough being Mikey.

Thanks to William Colquitt for sending me the announcement from Global Nerdy.

Two things:

1. Donna would not have let us attend the event, complaining about bowling alley air clogged with Furries and Klingon dander.

Nevertheless, I find size #20 Klingon and Furries rental shoe fumes to be the best weight loss program.

It's not the feet. It's the humidity.

2. There's a Global Nerdy?

Actually, I prefer fiercer competitive bowling than a wimpy klatch o' Klingons.

I'm waiting for The Ultimate 10-Pin Punch-out Smackdown Cutthroats:



Banana Splits vs. Golden Girls

Bear With Squeaky Toy, Ladies and Gentlemen

With bully bears in the neighborhood, passing through our yard and, possibly, my Adam's Apple and tousled surfer-boy hairs, I need to calm my stress.

I thought watching "Bear Playing With Squeaky Toy" after every meal and crying jag might help.


Now, I have nightmares I'm a squeaky toy.

___________
^{If video won't play, try here.}

Just for Baby Boomers

Hmm, that puppy's built like a horse.

An Open Letter

If I may be so imposing, I need to discuss a matter with you that has been bothering me for ages and a couple of minutes.

On TV's "The Office," as I understand things, the Dunder Mifflin staff is always followed around by a documentary crew for a movie of some sort.

We're now into Year Four and they're still shooting!

What exactly are the documentary producers hoping to record?

Shouldn't they have, like, 37 non-stop months of footage by now?

How long is that movie?

Will there be an Intermission?

Entr'acte music?

When is it coming out?

Are they dawdling for Ebert to heal?

Why would any company allow stalker cameras unlimited access to video capture their iffy business and psychotic management?

Hasn't the firm been embarrassed and documented for enough lawsuits already?

I call this entire state of affairs an enigma. I do.

Thank you for your consultation. (My clergy watches "Grey's Anatomy.")

Mike
At the Help Desk, Needing Help


P.S. As usual, my buddy Frank comes to the rescue with his thoughts and postage due email....

"Well, I think it's safe to say that it's gonna be a looooong documentary. However, if I were the filmmakers, I'd be pretty cheesed that all my footage was ending up on national TV every week. I mean, once they finish the doc, who's gonna want to watch it? Hmmm?"

Meanwhile...

Love Me Chocolate or That's All Right (Nana)

Continued From: "Viva Jasper, Georgia," part of a thread beginning with "Cents and Sensibility."


The other night, when I spotted Elvis Presley, he was appearing on the supermarket circuit to promote his special Reese's Peanut Butter & Banana Creme.

It was almost like old times, except there were no wacky Elvis movie sidekicks, preferably Will Hutchins and Joby Baker, in attendance, nor any of the surfeit of Jack Mullaney and Bill Bixby impersonators.

There were bananas over in Produce and peanut butter in economy jars.

I also gazed around the store for Shelley Fabares, Nancy Sinatra, Stella Stevens, and 'Scilla, but I think they may have split with Elvis. He didn't look like he wanted to talk about them.

The Jordanaires were outside in a '68 El Camino, trying on trusses.

I'm guessing.

I have no county-notarized evidence on that.

Just a hunch.

I follow Elvis. I would know.

So, anyway, I like the Peanut Butter & Banana Creme candy. It's based, obviously, on The King's unwavering devotion to fried p'nut butter and nanner sammiches.

If I were a meat eater, I'd be smacking in anticipation of that other Presley favorite making its way into Reese's Peanut Butter & Big Bottomless Bowl of Bacon.

Viva Jasper, Georgia

Continued From: "Star Sighting," part of a thread beginning with "Cents and Sensibility."


Internet tongues are wagging about my shocking revelation and photographic evidence, which prove Elvis Presley is alive and well and doing midnight personal appearances in a small-town Kroger store.

Frank Thompson, the noted cinema historian and fervent Hollywood star sighter, is a man who gloats mercilessly over me, gushing radiant tales of his recent brush with Slick Slavin, the uncredited Master of Ceremonies in "King Creole" (1958).

I couldn't wait to show him the snapshots of chummy me and E., the credited headliner of that film.

Frank writes:

"Wow, impressive. And he was there for, what, candy? Perhaps a prescription? I just can't believe you were lucky enough to encounter him, Elvis."

You are preaching to the choir, deacon. It was a ... very ... special ... episode.

I'd always heard Elvis is a shy gentleman, kinda quiet, and I found him to be exactly that.

He let me do most of -- well, all of -- the talking and sobbing, but I had to scamper off because there was no one in the Aisle 13 check-out line.

Otherwise, I would have requested "Moody Blue."

Continued: "Love Me Chocolate or That's All Right (Nana)"
Related Mike and Mr. Presley Treasures: "My Night With Elvis" | "My Night With Elvis Redux"
Previous Star Sightings: "Dueling Banjos Redux"

Star Sighting

Continued From: "Raisin Hell," part of a thread starting with "Cents and Sensibility."


At first, I was skeptical.


But, then I knew.


It was the real Elvis.

Continued: "Viva Jasper, Georgia"