Oompah-pah Pants and Oo La La!

Continued From: "Bling Around the Collar," part of a thread starting with "Cents and Sensibility."

We departed Big Lots when it became apparent the selection of lederhosen was borderline nil.

Fortunately, there is a back-up plan.

I've been on Cloud 9 (having ascended from Cloud 8: Small Kitchen Appliances, Knitting Notions, and Toni Silkwave Perm Products) ever since reading a news article on "luxury lederhosen."

I carry it in a locket next to my hosen.

VIENNA, Austria (AP) -- An Austrian designer is taking orders for personalized luxury lederhosen and recently sold a diamond-studded pair for $114,000....

Those interested can choose from an array of stones, including garnets, rubies, emeralds and diamonds, that are then mounted on buttons made either of sterling silver, gold or platinum....

Lederhosen are traditional short, leather trousers that some Austrian and German men still wear today at festivals or special occasions.

I am not appreciably German or Austrian, according to clinical dipsticking.

I am, however, a slave to fashion and a journeyman apprentice to showing off my tube socks.

Must! Have! Lederhosen!

To complicate matters, being a vegetarian, I cannot direct myself to purchase leather. I am hopeful my customized knee breeches might sprout from other sources.

As I recall, my last wardrobe acquisition tour for animal-free clothing proved to be quite formidable, but I did locate clamdiggers fabricated from a woven medley of the squashes and chunked guacamole.

The needle work was superior on those pants and I would know. It is otherwise common and a bit disconcerting to encounter salsa in a leg hole.

Especially, if the pockets are lacking Fritos Scoops.

Continued: "With Love One the You're"
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