The Boat Cave

CHARLESTON, South Carolina -- The city's IMAX movie theatre (pictured, left) is next door to the South Carolina Aquarium. I'm told the building, which also rests on the harbor, was originally a giant shell for housing large boat maintenance. Massive crafts were hauled out of the water and given the once over, much like Anna Nicole Smith after a bath.

Since the average IMAX screen is six stories high and 80-feet wide, the building was perfect for a theatre. Just add seats and furnishings and carve-your-heart-out,-get-some-of-that-spleen,-too pricing and it's showtime!

Several IMAX large format features were playing during our walk-through.

The story of candy man Willy Wonka, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," didn't appeal to me. I would put on weight watching that movie.

Moreover, I get scared when nuts reach the size of the Hindenburg, covered up in salt granules the size of Nazis. That's just too close to history repeating itself for my mindless entertainment.

Plus, I couldn't face the zits.

When you're looking at an 80-foot pimple enhanced with booming IMAX stereophonic sound, you can also hear the unmistakable fluids sloshing around inside the acne. I don't want to listen to pus tide changes.

I've got Young "Da Snowman" Jeezy on my iPod for that.

The excellent "Batman Begins" was also magnified to humongous spectacle. I'd seen it before in IMAX. I liked the part where Bruce Wayne's daddy went to the drugstore to buy a condom.

"Closed," said the pharmacist.

"Okay, I'll do without," said Mr. Wayne.

"You're making a big mistake," said the pharmacist.

"Oh, yeah," said Mr. Wayne. "It's IMAX."

"The DVD will be out in October," said the pharmacist. "It'll be a tinier mistake then."

And Batfetus begins.

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