Thanksgiving Feats

I am thankful for animals and kindnesses extended to them.



I am also thankful Donna and I are celebrating 20 years as vegetarians this month. Twenty-one Thanksgiving turkeys and countless other lives saved. Alongside my marriage, it is my proudest accomplishment.

We spent our Thanksgiving with friends and their numerous dogs, cats, horses, and tot cow, Chester. Most rescued. All loved. All happy. For all time.

It was a good day, and heartwarming to observe and caress those magnificent creatures.

(Video via Snotr.com, thanks to Stan Malone.)

I Brought a Clip

Here I am preparing to run the 35mm portion of "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" at the Fox. I'm projecting the moving picture elements during the Atlanta performances.

Meanwhile, my friend Scott is on the stage, shoveling camel poop.

But, hey, he's in showbiz!!

Big Weekend

Big weekend on Atlanta's "Radio City Christmas Spectacular," hangin' with my co-workers.

Hey, Kids, Let's Put on a Show!

I arrived for my first day of rehearsals on the Atlanta engagement of the "Radio City Christmas Spectacular Starring The Rockettes" at The Fabulous Fox Theatre, shown above. The venue is not quite so fab at dawn when I'm sleepy, but still more than nifty.

My work on the show's crew may be harder than I had previously thought. The production office called and said, "Bring a toothbrush and print-out a Mapquest to your final burial spot."

The hours and days and nights of set-up and rehearsing have been long, but fun. We open this evening for 35 performances, sometimes as many as four per day, over the next few weeks.

The good news is, however, if I die while toiling on "Radio City," The Rockettes will be there for "Taps."

Big Weekend

Big weekend, rehearsing "Radio City Christmas Spectacular," I devoured two scrumptious crew-provided meals and three crew-provided snacks, all in one day.

I love the show business!

The Rockettes' eye-high kicks are impressive, but can't hold a fork to The Rockettes' mouth-high pie.

Main Title: 'Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask'

Believe it or not, before Woody Allen fell into the money-saving habit of employing the simplest of black-and-white title sequences for his movies, several of them were special. One of the most memorable credits packages of all movies for me -- and not just because it's a Woody -- is from "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask" (1972). I can sum up the appeal in one word:

BUNNIES!!!

"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask" Main Title via Blip.tv

Fare Thee Well, The Rockettes Need Me...

I'm off to join the circus. Well, not exactly. I'm embedding myself with the Atlanta crew of "Radio City Christmas Spectacular," which is already underway preparing the stage, sets, props, livestock, and technical marvels which will make the huge production come together for 35 performances later this month and into December.

I'm excited to be part of a show of this magnitude and I'm up to speed for my specialty number, "I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas and Lots of Fresh Newspapers Forever, Maybe Some Renuzit."

Crooning and gyrating like an orphan boy beaver, I wear protruding eyeteeth and lederhosen (not protruding, it's Christmas, people!), and elf shoes ensconced with jingle bells and elf elite's foot powder.

I am adorable.

Just in case. I'm ready with that dazzling piece of musical magic just in case. It is a show-stopper^®.

Otherwise, I'll have duties behind the scenes and in the projection room during the extravaganzas, toting my throat lozenges and truss and seasonal salves, just in case. Just in case.

Okay. I'm heading out, high steppin', high kickin' sideways through our kitchen door, down the steps, and into the car. It's hard to do kicks in a Saturn, so I'll probably toe tap until I arrive sideways, up the steps, and through the Fox Theatre stage door.

"How do you do, Mademoiselles Rockettes?"

Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

Friend Randy Said: "I think Mike mainly enjoys picture books... and Ziggy."

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOLF? #oneletteroffmovies

SINGIN' IN THE DRAIN #oneletteroffmovies

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOO #oneletteroffmovies

A HARD GAY'S NIGHT #oneletteroffmovies

Sure, looking sharp is what I do, nevertheless I had no choice but to purchase two new suits. Our moths were malnourished.

Gawking at China's massive toilet waterfall. ... C'mon, America, drink a Pepsi! Do something...

Reading: "Officials Confirm Iowa Cat Has H1N1 Flu." Goodness, gracious! That explains Morty in the kitty HazMat suit.

Headline: "Man caught stuffing sausages down his pants." ... Yipe. This may be the first outbreak of the Swine Screw.

Headline: "Blockbuster worker stabs self to avoid going to work." ... Please be kind, don't rebind.

Watching a solar-powered waffle cart on TV. My Xmas Wish List's complete! Why it's both green AND sticky! No more battery-operated pancakes!

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Thoughts During 'The 101 Dalmatians Musical'

• Saw spots in the first act, when I realized this production is not based on the Disney classic, as we had been led to believe.
  
  
• Saw spots when there was no "Cruella De Vil" song, as featured in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the human characters were different than in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the dogs have different love interests than in the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the puppies never watch television and don't see the Kanine Krunchies commercial from the Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when the untethered tot, allegedly seated next to me, was allowed to roam and fidget during the not Disney classic.
  
  
• Saw spots when I hollered up to Ms. De Vil to grab this little girl to make one of her coats. Cruella declined due to the lack of spots on the brat.
  
  
• ...Saw spots when I realized I had forgotten my Sharpie pen.

Previous: "Thoughts During..."

Big Weekend

We ate the groom's cake.

Mike Durrett: Private Eye

It's midnight. I'm on the night beat.

Nights like this, it doesn't pay to be hardboiled. Two scrambled. Side of raisin toast. I whine for Mixed Fruit. Okay, Grape's good. Jelly, my beverage of choice.

12:09 a.m. - I check the want ads. 40% want ads. 67% want Olive Garden two-fers with breadstick. 12% like "Hi & Lois" in color.

12:17 a.m. - I'm in no mood for cup of Joe. Nasty. I U-turn outta the urinal, sour faced and never been zipped. I hold it for something to dew later.

12:18 a.m. - I break into the cold outside the diner and wait.

12:43 a.m. - I put a tail on suspicious couple, pulling away from Musso & Frank's. I don't think they spot me as we cruise under the glints of ancient neon along Hollywood Blvd.

12:44 a.m. - They floor their sedan, trapping me at the traffic light by the Wax Museum. I hop out and run around my car and dive back in before red turns to green.

12:48 a.m. - Jeepers, this is a long light.

12:49 a.m. - I finger through my loot bag with the last of the Halloween treats. A candy corn. A candy toenail.

12:50 a.m. - GREEN! I'm off!...

1:37 a.m. - There they are! One of those "We Never Close" Aquafina machines, a block due west of Dayton.

1:38 a.m. - I park dark and watch. The moll whiffs my cologne, drops the bottle. Her water breaks. They dosado and allemende left into the front seats of the Volvo, but fast. Some people will never learn "Aquafina originates from public water sources and then is purified through a rigorous, seven-step process called HydRO-7™."

2:22 a.m. - I lose them at the QT near Holly Springs, GA. Shoot, man, I have to gas up -- and cup of Mike.

3:11 a.m. - All is quiet. I newfangle practice newfangled text messaging on newfangled cell phone, forgoing thumbs, using the butt of a 45.

(I lie about my age.)

Exactly. I know how you feel. I hate when others do Norm Crosby's act. That damn Mamie Eisenhower.

4:52 a.m. - Barnaby. Barnaby Durrett. I like it. Maybe when I'm fighting crime at 90.

5:48 a.m. - Scribbled note to self on matchbook cover:

SEE DENTIST RE: NEW FANG. MAYBE A BLING.

6:23 a.m. - I wonder. Is matchbook affectation still impressing chicks? It's a ruse. I never smoke. Cigarettes are dangerous to my arias. Few love a hacking prima donna.

7:14 a.m. - Crawl into bed. Carpet needs raking.

7:15 a.m. - Pat snooze button on cat. I'm out to lunch.

What the Heck Was I Thinking?

Actual Messages I Wrote, Forgot, Then Found While Cleaning Out My Email Folders

I Got Nuthin'

"Consolation Video: The Phillie Phanatic" via Real American Stories

Mikellaneous

My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I have an evening planned in the company of Cruella De Vil. We have tickets to her 101 DALMATIANS musical. Note to Self: Don't wear spots.

Eying that ShamWow mop. Wondering should I wait for the 2010 model? The new strains of soup spills and canned beets drips will be vicious.

Looking ahead to my work on the RADIO CITY CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR. I went in for pre-show orientation. I learned they don't provide Mikettes.

I just ran around our house and knocked on the front door. We've got Kraft Fudgies!! Trick-or-Treat!!!!!

I went trick-or-treating as Vince of ShamWow! Everyone said, "Hey, it's Mike of SlamChow!" ... Ingrates.

We had a fight. She Halloweened as Cruella De Vil. Me? Vince from ShamWow. I buffed the spots off her puppies.

@kellyskelly reports: "I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to." Oh, me, too. Obviously, mine say: "Snack. Wrinkle. Poop."

Article asks me: "Why Aren't Curly Light Bulbs Perfect Yet?" ... That's easy: Moe government.

Thanks @SoCalVillaGuy, @kellyskelly, @sheryl_oconnell & @WH2H_Radio for the recent mentions. I'll be over soon for my lawn jockey shifts.

Michael Jackson ... THIS IS IT! ... Yeah. ... I'm there. ... As soon as I get my glove blocked.

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Big Weekend

Big weekend ... trick-or-treating.

Meanwhile...

Morty had an excellent Halloween, thank you very much. I took him trick-or-treating door to door with his plastic jack-o'-lantern, soon filled to the brim with bite-sized Pounce, Meow Mix, and fetid shrimp by-products.

His able seafarer costume never fails to enrapture, but, if truth be told, Morty was actually channeling former Secretary of State Madeleine Korbel Albright, a curious, but highbrow, landlubberly choice. I just wish this kitty weren't so political and more whiskery.

We returned home and Morty embarked on his fishy snacks coma, accompanied by this year's horror movie classic, "Ghost Dogs," which we present for you here. That boy will be wailing in bed for days....


"Ghost Dogs" via YouTube