Off the Wall

Saving Facebook: My Confessions: 

Friend Randy Said: "I think Mike mainly enjoys picture books... and Ziggy."
Randy, that is silly. I like picture books with fuzzies on the pictures. Did you know Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear, but Fuzzy Wuzzy wuzn't fuzzy, wuz he?
In 11 years, we've never had one trick-or-treater here, if you don't count the wildlife. But, as a public service, I buy and buy and buy candies in advance. Then, as an additional public service, I make sure the candies don't go to waste. I sacrifice, yes. Yes, I do. Mmmm, York Peppermint Patties...
Responding to Friend Evelyn's Breakfast Invitation:
But ... do you have the little packets of jelly? That's how I know I'm eating properly, the little packets of jelly. They also occupy my mind and keep my nails buffed, trying to get to the little packets of jelly innards. Mmmmm... little packets of jelly innards...
I come to you today with an apology. For decades, I have confused the epiglottis with the uvula. Alas, I learn. My life is now blemished.
I'm getting choked up. Curses! Uvula can be petty and hard to swallow sometimes.
The uvula is that hangy-down thing at the back of the mouth. It traps and stops food and assorted household debris, such as complimentary shoe mitts, festive independence holiday sparklers, and the Fishin' Magician, before you accidentally swallow them. The epiglottis is more or less the gaping maw underneath which conjures up Joy Behar on the B-team Homecoming Court.
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