Tummy Trouble

Have Gut — Will Travel or Go West, Young Mike or Darth Vader, My Ass
Chapter 7

Email is buzzing today. It so happens my travelogue is attracting interest. Folks want to know more about my paunch. Several requested a blowup, yet I don't see how that is quite necessary. I am, however, delighted to learn I'm such an enthralling spokesperson for the scenic Old West.

The stomach of Mike adorned by some tiny underling chimpanzee camera. Photo copyright 2003-2004 Donna Durrett, all rights reserved.Alright, first a disclaimer: In this OK Corral photo enlargement, objects may be hungrier than they appear.

As with my hair, I'm also sporting my first zany stomach of the trip. Collect the whole series. I call this one: "What Happened?"

When this pot shot was taken, I weighed 190 pounds, wet. That's another story. I'll never chug a Big Gulp and sneeze again.

As I write this entry, I've ballooned another five percent. The good news: I'm 200 pounds of chewy, nougat center.

I may have to curtail Happy Hours at the all-you-can-eat Mars Bars Bar.

And might I interject, I think it's rude -- and redundant -- for people to snicker when I'm Snickers snockered.


And all these young cameras today! With their wild technology and tight chips. Look at 'em, tiny, very tiny. You can't hide behind these young punk cameras anymore. I need one of those humongous "King Kong" cameras from the '30s with the gigantic flashbulb attachment. Those things were two-fisted, hernia-inducing huge! I could hide my flab behind a "King Kong" camera for sure. And a bottle of Pert and some thumbtacks to fix my Ed Grimley hair. There'd be plenty of room to stash away that stuff, maybe a KitKat. Life would be swell. Delicious.

Young punks.

Next: Chapter 8 | Rewind to Chapter 1
Photo copyright ©2003-2004 Donna Durrett. All rights reserved.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...