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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less 

Misery is knowing there's a typo on my blog & I can't get Internet access to fix it. When that happens, I just go buy everybody's computers.
My doctor refuses to discuss medical marijuana. He did consent to medical munchies. I got a 90-day prescription for Doritos.
I had that nightmare again. The one where Wilford Brimley calls me "Sugar."
I complained about my pants being too tight. Turned out to be Donna's flannel jeans. Hope everyone enjoyed seeing them yesterday. *sigh*
Well, this cannot be good. The Copenhagen Climate Summit shut off Rudolph's nose.
True: 2:57 a.m. [Christmas morning] We looked out the window of our house in the woods. There was a gathering of deer. Unfortunately, I was the nearest fat guy.
Yipe! I may be begging out of the New Year's Eve bash. My Little Bo' Pee costume is damp.
Santa's bringing me SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS on Blu-ray. You know what that means? ... Pristine Grumpy!
I was gifted an all-new nightmare for Christmas. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad danced in my head and sang me "Santa Baby."
[Dec. 21] was the shortest day of the year. By dusk, my pants measured six inches too long.

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