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My Recent Confessions and Observations on Twitter, Where Everything Must Be Said in 140 Characters or Less

I woke up to my cat meowing that song, "Let's Go Fly a Kite." I gave him the ball of string and he shut up.

News Item: "Woman blames DWI on liqueur chocolates." Well, OK, if we can blame pirating on Jolly Rogers & hiding divorce assets on Cadbury.

I missed an episode of THE OFFICE due to a TiVo mishap, but just made good, watching it online. I wish making up for lost lunch was so easy.

I've taken to watching THE OFFICE while working at my desk. The camaraderie has been a real morale booster for my stapler and gel pens.

News Item: "Banks with a high 'misery index.'" That's absolutely true. The lollipops atop the teller counters suck.

I touched on this in my blog, how seeing half a pie 4 sale disturbs me. It's like buying a sandwich with a bite out of it.

What I luv about Twitter: I just learned @TinaFey is presently eating Famous Amos cookies, while I'm eating grits. We're soul food mates!

News Item: "Baby boy born with two penises." He's got it coming and going.

I found surprising gunk in a coffee mug this morning, causing an epiphany. My country life is decidedly less gunky than in The Big City.

I'm sitting here with my pal Rob, showing him all about Twitter. Rob & I were in the first grade together, back when we tottered & tittered.

My wife has put her foot down. She will not let me become a teenage mom. I never have no fun.

News Item: "Jail considers making inmates pay for toilet paper." Currently, crime doesn't pay.

...Please don't squeeze the warden.

Reading a claim: "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America." I am such a slacker. I should try to do worse.

News Item: "Star Trek Cologne Boldly Smells Like Nothing Has Smelled Before." I hope that means it doesn't smell like Shat.

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